My job demands that I carry a cellphone 24/7. And it calls me 24/7 as well. In the night, it calls me out from my warm bed to remote sites, in a thunderstorm, with icy winds and lightning splitting the trees alongside me, and hail bouncing off the road.

No, it is not my friend.

When I lie down with a headache, it wakes me up 5 minutes later with a worse one. Foreign people with thick accents try to communicate with me when I've just been woken up from a deep sleep. Yes, I have some really unhealthy plans for that cellphone.

With a rather large truck, I shall attempt to wheelspin on the phone. I am also going to catapault the cell at high velocity into a solid, extremely unforgiving concrete bastion. I am going to drop it into a substance so caustic, that even a mother in laws tongue would shrivel.

I will feel no remorse. It had it coming.

I am going to wrap it in raw beef and drop it in a crocodiles mouth. Or maybe tie it with wire across the afterburner of an F14 . If I can find a bluderbuss, maybe I can fire it from that thing into a blast furnace. The local high security prison has some rather large Rottwiellers that might like to chew on it for awhile, especially if I rub the phone on my cat first!

I just wanna be sure it doesn't survive.

Yup. Cellphones were meant to be enable us to communicate wherever we are, and get help when needed in an emergency. But management turned them into a cheap way to get slave labour: staff that are available day and night, and you don't even have to pay them for it either!