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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Very Funny Quotes And What They Can Teach Us

Very funny quotes are considered by many to be just-another-sort-of-funny-stuff-around. Well, I couldn't disagree more!

Sure, there are many funny quotations that don't really teach us anything, and were designed just for that - to be funny. However, behind many of those very funny quotes lies a wisdom of ages, and we could truly learn a lot from them if we just take our time to think about it. Let's take a moment to look upon some of them - and you'll understand my point. Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days you will be right. How many times have we heard it? One? Ten? A hundred? I'd say the latter is closer to the truth. But what do we really learn from that phrase? Well, not much. We continue to live on as if we're going to live forever... Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen

Well, I couldn't agree with that. Life can be tough sometimes, but overall - we are the ones responsible for its quality. We can make ourselves happy - AND we can make ourselves miserable, it's basically all the matter of personal choice. You see now? Even very funny quotes can make us argue and disagree about life! Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Christopher Isherwoo

Well, here's something I totally back up! Believe me, folks, too much imagination can ruin it all. Been there, done that. Once you go to these thoughts- it's very hard to get back, so the basic idea is just not to think too much. And - a good doctor might be very handy from time to time, together with luck :) Here's another good one of my very funny quotes about life collection, worth thinking through: My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
Josh Billings

Yep, this one is also 100% right. Alas, having good heart is just not enough - we have to have that club in the other hand if we truly want to succeed. Don't use it too often, though - it's also not a very good thing to do! Finally, my favorite of very funny quotes about life - Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert. Never, EVER let go of something good in life. Miss that dessert - and you may never get anything else. Makes you think about all those limitations...maybe we are too serious? After all, as they say - Don't take life to seriously. No one gets out alive.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anton_Borodko

Want to Impress Your Friends? Throw in Some Famous Life Quotes in Your Conversation

Do you want to impress and astound your friends? Do you want to be the person everyone would love to be in company with? Then why not learn some famous life quotes. You probably have noticed some of the great leaders use famous quotes in their speeches and normal communication that make them truly memorable and interesting.

You can too use famous life quotes in your daily communication as well to impress your friends. Just by throwing in some famous quotes in your daily communication will make you come across as a very knowledgeable and entertaining person. It's a great way to dazzle your friends and let them know about your coolness factor.

One thing you should take care while throwing in quotes in your conversation is that it should be integrated into your conversation. It should be a subtly part of your conversation and not your conversation.

You should use quotes where it is appropriate and suits to the topic you are communicating about. For example if you are discussing about a particular celebrity, you can recite a recent quote from that particular celebrity or if you are talking about motivation and inspiration, you could recite a inspirational quote and if you are discussing about life and life issues, you can use famous life quotes.

The point here is, whatever quote you are using, make sure that it is relevant to the situation or the topic you discussing. And don't just blurt out quotes, engage in conversation as well. Blurting out only quotes makes you look like a fool and certainly make people think you are dunk too much.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karan_Kapoor

Keep Your Family a Happy Family by Sharing Funny Life Quotes

It was dream of every individual to build a happy family. Having a happy family is a true pleasure of life. The joy of being in such a family is something that can't be describe in words. It increases your chances of being successful in your professional life as well.

So how can we build a Family which laughs together cries together plays together and supports each other in every circumstances of life. We can build a happy family if we can make the safe, happy and fun environment in home. One of the best ways to do so is by sharing daily funny life quotes with our family.

Communication is most important factor in building and maintaining happy family. Sharing Funny Life Quotes encourage communication between family members. Everyone laughs out loud while discussing funny quotes together in family.

Apart from making your family happy, sharing funny life quotes has other benefits as well. It builds strong bond of love between family members, increases your energy level, help you get rid of your routine work related stress and keeps you fit and healthy physically as well as mentally.

There are plenty of ways to share funny quotes about life with your family. You can put a quote in the wall of your child room. You can buy a t-shirt for your child with funny quote printed on it. You can put a quote in the mirror, in refrigerator, in the hat of your child as well as yours, in your body as a tattoo quote or you can buy children stationary with funny quotes printed on it. The possibilities are endless. Use your own creativity and find out the way that best suits the personality of your family.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karan_Kapoor

How to Embrace Your House Ghost

My Spirit Advisor's name is Georgie. In his Human life he was a very funny, cranky comedian. When I start off my day I can hear Georgie say "well, look what is awake and doing her YOGA. That sounds too much like YOGURT. Do your cat stretches and we can get to work Sunshine!"

If I start to lose motivation and begin to slack off, my Muse sets me straight. "You ought to be lucky you have your laptop... books don't write themselves. Now let's get cracking Sunshine". My pet ghost comedian I can hear by I can't see. I can just picture him leaning up against the wall, sitting on my desk or pacing back and forth heckling me.

Why can I just hear him and not see him? Why does he heckle me when I most need to be teased?

So I finally get some love back from my hubby this morning and I am happy. Tig leaves the room and I am getting ready for the day. Georgie says "He's a grumpy one and ugly too. But he's here for you and loves you. Just close your eyes and pretend he is Brad Pitt . Not your fault Sunshinel". Well, I grin at myself in the mirror and whisper to my Muse. "thanks Georgie."

Sometimes a Muse can be the form of a Spirit Guide who has passed on. It seems that they assigned me this cranky comedian as my Muse to keep me cracking with my career and heckles me when I am down. Maybe he will get his wings if he completes his "quest". Help the disgruntled, lonely married lady who is in a California State of Mind and wants to go to Rock Concerts and mingle with Celebrities. The "cat lady" that is a big dreamer and master schemer and hears dead Celebrities.

I was meditating last night and felt like Willie Mae Brown on Ghost. There was a voice that said? Never, ever give up!" ..."Thanks Patrick" I whispered and to my left another voice of wisdom came. "The errors you make prepare you for the success you take"..."Thanks David" I whisper. "Now what is the freaking meditating stuff you do? You aren't going anywhere - you don't levitate or find out the meaning of life and death here. What are you doing Sunshine?

"Georgie, I am me and I like to try and quite my mind so I can sleep. Clearly, this only brings dead Celebrities and spirit Muses to me. Maybe they should call it Spirit Delegation. I'm a "beacon" for angel spirits that need their wings by helping people in distress. You saw an Author that was different from the norm who is trying to get her life back together and latched on. Meditation is supposed to be a way to quite the mind, body and get in touch with your inner soul. I suppose I am a Ghost Listener now. O.k. what do you guys need and how can I help YOU?"

I opened my eyes and the voices ceased. At least until tonight.

So if you are hearing heckling spirits and have Ghost Life Coaches - embrace them and welcome them in your home and your life and once they get their wings, they'll go away. Just grin and bear it and wait until a bell rings.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Caitlyn_Carrington

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

How to Be Funny - Part 9 - Life Experiences (not Words) Are Funny

Try this, think of a story, something that really did happen to you, one that you've told over and over again to lots of people throughout your life. Maybe it was how you met your lover, barely survived a car accident during a bad snowstorm or saw someone famous at the airport. (Mine was Morgan Freeman, he was on the same flight as me, headed to Atlanta). Whether your story is funny or not really doesn't matter right now. The important part is how you go about recalling the experience in your mind. More than likely your head is filled with a string of pictures, distinct sounds, and maybe even a rush of feelings. Chance are the last thing that's going on in your mind when you think about telling "your story" is the exact words you choose. Am I right?

Here's a big tip if you are wanting to learn how to be funny: A very large part of what makes a joke or story funny is how you respond to the circumstances as you are telling it. This goes far beyond just the words you say. Its how you re-live the moment that matters most. Why is this? Well your audience, whether its your buddies at the bar or a crowded room filled with strangers, wants to leave their reality an enter yours. If they didn't want this then they wouldn't bother to take the time to listen to what you have to say.

That's why is it is so vitally important that you first hook and keep the people you are talking to engaged. The easy way to do this is to let them in your head. Give them a glimpse of the world from where you stand. How do you do this? You do it by showing real emotion as you tell your story or joke. You know, the same way you told that story about how you wore braces until you were 20 and no one wanted to kiss you. Maybe during this story you covered your mouth with your hands to show how you re-lived your embarrassment. Or you might have even spoken with a "spitty-mumbly" voice to let people know how awkward you felt. Either way, I hope you get my point about how the funny comes out through your re-living, reacting, and interpreting the circumstances of your own story as you see it.

At the end of the day all that you really want to accomplish is to make people laugh. When you are able to focus on the sounds, visual imagery, and your own feelings about an experience and disconnect yourself from the words by themselves then you are well on your way to learning how to be funny. Sure, all of this might sound weak and mushy, but it works.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sterling_Barnes

Share the Fun and Humor With Funny Life Quotes

There are plenty of things happen to us on daily basis that makes our mood go down. Sometime our friends say something to us that we don't like. Sometimes work related problems makes us feel sad. And then those relationship problems which are so overwhelming that we feel there is no way to get out of it.

With so many things bringing us depression and sadness, we need something that can lift our spirit up and make us get back to life again. We want something that can empower us and ease all our anxiety of the day. One of the best ways to do so is by sharing fun and humor through funny life quotes.

Sharing funny life quotes with your friends and family makes you burst with laughter. The joy of telling funny quotes is amazing. It makes everyone laugh out loud. And when you smile out loud, you forgot all your tension and problems.

Some people might think that it wouldn't work. They might consider it as a trivial method but for me it is the best thing we could ever do. Life is for fun and we should live it to fullest extent. And when problems arise and sadness smothers us, just recall some funny quotes about life and read them out loud and see how they can quickly charge you up making you ready to tackle life problems.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karan_Kapoor

Humorous Inspirational Life Quotes - Funny Yet Inspirational

Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away. It has been proved time to time that humor and laughter is best medicine. It is one of the best tools to uplift your emotional state and refresh your mind.

Inspiration is something that drives you forward to take action towards your goals. It is crucial to a successful life. If you are inspired to do something, you will automatically give your best and get what you want.

Humor and inspiration both are very powerful tools that can change your whole life for better. You can find both of them together in Funny Inspirational Life quotes. These quotes inspire you to take action but in a humorous manner. They are capable of making you both amused and inspired as well as they are wonderful bad-mood boosters.

Some people might find this combination of humor and inspiration to be strange. But the fact of the matter is it is not strange at all. Humor can inspire you and there can be inspiration exist in humor. If you don't believe me, then just read the following funny inspirational quotes and you'll see what I mean.

- My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. -----Montaigne
- It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous. ----- Robert Benchley

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. --- Albert Einstein
I have seen that lots of people are either brooding over the past or worrying about what's going to happen in their future. In doing so, they forgot to enjoy the present moments of life. Whether the past is good or bad, it has gone. And we don't know what's going to happen in future.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karan_Kapoor

Short Funny Life Quotes - Eternal Gems of Wit and Humor

Today life is busy and everyone is as busy as ever. No body has much time for fun and humor. So we need something which can make us laugh out loud in short period of time. And what could best option than short funny life quotes. They are very short and take only few seconds to read them.

Despite of being short, they are full of wit and humor and capable of making everyone burst with laughter. They are funniest amusing stuff ever that you are likely to read. They are literally eternal gems of wit and humor that will definitely evoke a lot of laughter and chase your blues far away from you.

History is full of amazing persons who have contributed hilarious funny quotes. There is no dearth of great personalities who have dazzled us with their extremely funny quotes. It is because of these great master minded geniuses funny life quotes that makes us capable of getting through tough time.

There are plenty of short funny quotes about life that make us rolling on floor with laughter. Here are few of them:

- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. ---Anonymous
- When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ----Mark Twain

Thanks to Internet, we don't have any trouble finding information about anything like our ancestors have to. For our ancestors, the only place to find quotes is library. But today, we have bunch of resources to find information on any topic.

There is a huge stock of short as well as long funny life quotes available on internet. And the best part is that most of websites on internet provide them free of cost. Some of the websites add new quote regularly so that you won't get bored reading the same stuff over and over again.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karan_Kapoor

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Five Famous Funny Life Quotes to Bring on the Giggles

A funny quote has power to turn the worst situation into a bearable one. It is something that can really make difference in your daily life. It makes you bear the toughest situations of life easily. Somehow it reminds all of us that life is for fun and enjoyment. It reminds us about what is truly important about our existence on earth.

A funny quote about life given on a perfect situation can really stimulate your mind. No matter how stressed and tensed you are, reading funny life quotes can immediately bring smile on your face. And when you smile you forgot all of your worries and troubles. You feel a new energy within you. The excitement and happiness that funny quotes on life bring into your life makes you ready to tackle difficult situation of life with optimism and enthusiasm.

Whenever I come across a funny quote that make me burst with laughter, I jot it down. I have a very big collection of funny, inspirational, motivational and humorous life quotes which I am collecting from over the years. It's a good thing to collect famous quotes because whenever you are feeling blue they can serve you as a wonderful counselor.

Here are my Top Five Favorite Funny Quotes about Life to make you rolling on the floor with laughter.

1- Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. - Carl Sandburg

2- The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly -- because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them. - Michael Caine

3- Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. - Anthony Trollope

4- Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

5- My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other. - Josh Billings



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karan_Kapoor

Funny Pictures For a Good Laugh

When the economy looks gloomy, everyone needs some humor for a good laugh. As the saying goes, "Laughter is the best medicine." That's probably true to a certain extent. Laughter can most certainly help relieve stress. And as we all know, too much stress can be harmful to health. Fortunately, there are tons of free resources on the Internet that will have you in stitches in no time. Let's take a look at some of these resources.

Funny pictures.

There are all kinds of funny pictures on the Internet. Some are based on true events, while others are created just for a few good laughs. For instance, you can find entertainment images of your favorite celebrities. Mostly, these are images that are edited by fans and posted on various humor sites. There are literally hundreds (or thousands) of such images on the web. You just have to know where to look.

Cool stuff.

Cool stuff is entertaining as well. These are pictures that may or may not be funny. But there are very interesting. People tend to circulate such pictures via email to their family and friends because these images look cool. Looking cool means the subject of focus is something that is out of the ordinary. For instance, you may see a picture of a cool robot that is created from scrap metal.

Illusions.

Illusions can provide hours and hours of entertainment. These images are created with the intention of fooling the perception of the viewer. The illusions are mostly created with clever image editing tricks. A single image can be used to represent more than one view - depending on how you look at the picture. Usually, you will need to spend a few minutes on each picture just to be able to see the optical illusion.

Funny kids pictures.

Children are always fun to have around. They get into lots of funny situations because of their innocence. Many children photos don't even need to be edited. The original photos are already pretty funny. Besides, children have the liberty to do anything they want without getting into trouble. So the possibilities for great pictures are endless. For example, a young child posing as a football fan can show the middle finger and look cute. An adult showing the middle finger will certainly come across as offensive!

Military images.

Sometimes, a serious environment can create the most hilarious situations. For those who enjoy military jokes, such images are ideal. Jokes are often based on soldiers and interesting looking weaponry.

Funny people pictures.

Children can be funny, but sometimes, adults get into humorous situations as well. Many of these pictures or snapshots of adults making funny faces. On occasions, you get to see funny things happening to adults in real life. These are usually shots that are captured while an adult is working. During the act, an accident happens (like falling off a ladder). Adults clowning around can be quite funny at times.

Political jokes.

Many people like to make fun of politicians. Instead of adopting a serious view about politics, many bloggers and webmasters create funny pictures of key figures. These images tend to attract more readers.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Darren_W_Chow

I'm 39 and Holding!

My recent birthday dragged "double nickels" kicking and screaming into my psyche. Now, several recurrent thoughts occupy my feeble mind: Sandra Bullock in a wet tee-shirt (although I've forgotten why); honey-flavored pitted prunes (obviously, a desire to remain a regular guy); and, a late night snack with Jack Kevorkian (excuse me, Doc, is that Grey Poupon in your bag?). This sudden awareness of mortality bites like a pit bull in a post office.

In a positive vein, men on both sides of my blood line typically live full lives. Grandpa McCormick died at 93. Grandpa Noble at 95. Averaging these, I figure I've got 39 years left. And if these are Jack Benny's 39 years, there's nothing to worry about. However, a dichotomy exists in our approach to aging today. Supposedly, we're living longer. Heaven forbid if that's the case! If heredity has my clock wound to somewhere between 93 and 95, my greatest fear is that the coming 39 years will be dedicated to avoiding things that might kill me: Fat, cholesterol, sodium, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine.

Those ingredients my grandfathers didn't know could kill them...so they didn't. We're not good at tolerating senior citizens today. Even though they represent one of the fastest growing market segments in the United States, and control billions of dollars' worth of discretionary resources. And, how have they managed to amass and control such great wealth? That's a no-brainer...they've stopped spending it on rich food, good booze, cigarettes and cigars, designer coffee, and all the other stuff that could kill them before they hit 100.

Today, we honk at older folks who act confused at stoplights, turn too sharply, or poke along below the speed limit. We raise our voices when they don't readily understand what we say. We become impatient when they can't make up their minds over chocolate or vanilla. And, we laugh off the compulsive rituals they've followed for most of a century without thinking twice about their actions. Why do we do these things...we youngsters schlepping through Middle Age? Perhaps to convince ourselves we're not like that; although we're headed in the same inevitable direction. We're probably reacting out of fear.

We can't imagine what we'll be like as we approach Old Age, and are afraid we'll become one of THEM. But is that all bad? After all, they're alive. More than that, they're living. When I see an older couple walking - close together, hand in hand -- she might take her purse, give him a shot alongside the head and say: "Straighten up, you old fool!" This doesn't concern me. Although, that's probably my wife and me in 39 years. That image makes me glad...not sad. Anticipatory...not apprehensive. Reassured...not remorseful. Such an image encourages me to embrace seniority, not sulk from it. Besides...my wife hit double nickels nine months before me!



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leighton_McCormick

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Listen Up! I'm Just Going to Tell You This Once!

A Friendly Note to All My e-Mail Correspondents Listen Up! I'm Just Going to Say this Once.

Hey, call me an old curmudgeon (and many do!), but I'm through pussy-footing around with some of my e-mail correspondents. I've just about had it and I'm not going to take it anymore! So, all you e-mail correspondents of mine, listen up, because I am only going to say this once! I've got a few "bones" to pick with you and, by golly, I'm going to pick them. Now. Right here. You're not going to be able to stop me!

Some of you-and you certainly know who you are, so don't try to say you don't!-seem to find it necessary to consistently irritate me with what I will charitably characterize as your e-mail "quirks." (Actually, I would prefer to use another word here, but I am going to try and keep this note "G-rated.") What am I talking about? Let's get started!

My 'Forward' Correspondents

You know those cute little "sayings," "poems," "inspirational" messages, ad nauseam, that some of you have received from friends and family and have seen fit to "forward" to me, asking me to also forward them to my friends and family? How can I say this? How can I delicately state my true feelings about these "communications"? Stop sending me these! I hate this *#$@! Stop it! Now! No more! (Oh, and don't think I'm moved in the least by your implied threats of something "bad" happening to me if I don't also "forward" these messages. Something "bad" already happens to me the instant I receive these e-mails from you!)

Thank you!

OK, now moving on.

My 'Capital' Correspondents

The use of capital letters is indeed very helpful to a reader of your e-mails, and I especially thank you for taking the time to use them in e-mails you send to me. Among other things, it helps me to know a.) where the beginning of a sentence is; and/or b.) it alerts me that you are using a proper noun, i.e., an important person, place of thing, instead of just an old, commonplace noun. But, come on, can you get out of the habit of USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS THROUGHOUT YOUR E-MAIL?! Do you have any idea how irritating that is to the reader? Particularly this reader?! Get a life and STOP doing this!

Thank you.

My 'Small' Correspondents

The flip side of the CAPITAL correspondents are those of you who use small letters (usually with no punctuation whatsoever!) throughout your e-mail. Hey, it was cute when poet e.e. cummings introduced this "revolutionary" technique about two hundred years or so ago. Today? Not quite so cute. So can you please refrain from this practice?

Thank you.

My 'ADD' Correspondents

I know, I know. Many of you are getting "a little long in the tooth," and are finding it harder and harder to focus and concentrate these days. But, hey, is it possible for you to at least pretend that you actually read (and understood!) the e-mail I send you and to which (theoretically, at least) you are now responding? I don't mean to hurt your feelings, particularly if you actually are exhibiting early onset symptoms of Alzheimer's, but you're beginning to remind me an awful lot of my friend George. You probably have friends like George, too. You know, the person who is not listening to one word that comes out of your mouth when you're having a "conversation" with him. Instead, he is focused entirely on what he is going to say next! Frustrating! Irritating! Maddening!

In a nutshell, then, all I am asking is this: If I ask you a question (or two or more!) in my e-mail to you, would you please humor me by actually addressing and answering the question(s) in your e-mail response to me?

Thank you.

My 'Celebrity' Correspondents

I am a "news junkie," and as such, I read a LOT of newspapers and editorial columns both online and offline each and every day. I particularly like to read the editorials, and of course, I have my "favorites," who, for obvious reasons, shall go unnamed here. So, whenever I read something I particularly like, by someone whose writing or viewpoint I particularly admire, I usually take the time to e-mail the reporter or editorial writer and tell them so. Do I ever get a response of any kind? Surely you jest! Not even an "auto response" acknowledgment. Sad.

Now, I am fully aware that some of you view yourselves as "celebrities," and maybe you are, at least in the sense that the term is so loosely defined in today's society. Maybe you honestly believe that you simply can't be bothered to acknowledge, in any way shape, form or fashion, us, "the little people," who actually read what you write and care enough to comment upon it.

And you wonder why the number of newspaper subscribers/readers continues to trend downward, year after year after year.

Can you at least set up some type of "auto response" to let your readers who respond to you know that their comments were actually received? You are writing something for people to actually read, aren't you? I hope so.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Garee

I Was Going to Learn Chinese But I Have to Learn Texting First - Bummer?

When we listen to the media in China, they keep telling us that the recession is over and they've had over 6% growth rate this year in their GDP. Personally, I don't believe it, I believe it to be more like 4.25% by my calculations, and I'm quite worried about the fact that they are giving too many loans, and thus see a problem with their economy overheating, and inflationary risks with the Yuan.

Nevertheless, there are many people, such as the famous investor Jim Rogers, who coincidentally wrote the book "A Bull in China; Investing Profitably in the World's Greatest Market," and "Investment Biker; on the Road with Jim Rogers," who believe that the Chinese economy will continue to grow and eventually surpass that of the United States of America, which as you know, our GDP is at around $17 trillion per year as soon as the market returns.

It may not be until 2035 or 2040 until China catches us in GDP, as we are also slowly expanding, well provided everything goes right for them. It is for this reason that I need to learn Chinese, and it makes sense that anyone who plans on doing business in that country learn the language. Unfortunately, there is also a new language that our teenagers are speaking, and these millennials are starting to enter the workforce. The characters of their new language are just is frightening as learning 45,000 Chinese symbols.

The new language that our teens and millennials are using is called; "Texting" and the best way to learn is by doing it; meaning that you have to spend hours each day sending text messages, meaningless gibberish to all of your friends to learn it correctly. Once you do this, you are cool enough to do business with the teens and millennials who claim that they are one of the greatest up-and-coming demographics. We will see, but first it's time to start learning this new language. Please consider this.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes you should learn texting and how to make phone calls on the internet too; ip pbx



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lance_Winslow

Why Pranks Are Awesome While Jokes Are Kind of Meh

Laughter, it has been said, is the best medicine. This is literally true. Study after study has shown that laughter not only eases pain and suffering, but it actually helps the healing process by reducing blood pressure and releasing stress. Pranks are even better than jokes at getting a laugh. A joke is only funny once, but humorous shenanigans can get rooms full of people howling many years later as they are recounted.

For this reason, I fall squarely on the side of pranks in the hot debate over whether they are superior to jokes. Congress should really settle this issue once and for all by passing legislation declaring fun-filled tricks as the optimal catalyst of laughter and thus healing. They could call it the "Heal America Happily Act" or HAHA for short. When some joker challenged HAHA in court, I am sure that pranksters across this great land would rise up with one inspiring voice to solicit donations. These monies would hire the finest team of attorneys the world has ever seen -- or at least the best since O.J. Simpson's first trial -- to defend pranking and its advocates all the way to the Supreme Court.

When the case of Joe Kerr vs. The United States is won by the People, the issue will be settled once and for all: America is a land where jokes are OK but pranks are awesome. We revere those who fool others because they create generations worth of yuks in one single, well executed maneuver. Any joker can nail a punchline. It takes a true genius to fool someone right to the point of freaking out, then relieve them by letting them know that they have been punked.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chuck_Linart

A Uniform Solution

You're about to leave for a special event, and your spouse is clawing through her closet crying "I don't have anything to wear!" Now you know full well that there's enough fabric in that closet to resurface Central Park, so what do you do? You want to sympathize with her, but the old Visa card just can't take another hit. Here is the universal solution to this problem, and once deployed, will guarantee that you'll never have to endure a similar complaint again: start wearing uniforms.

"Think of the advantages, honey," you announce, "we won't spend another second deciding what to wear in the morning!" This idea didn't originate with me; the military has been using it from the beginning of time. Private schools do it, and even some corporations. So why not a "family uniform"?

I actually know a very brilliant fellow who did this many years ago (I'll have to check if he's continued this habit as he's remarried now). All you do is find a neural color combination that you'll be happy with, choose a style of top (button-shirt, t-shirt, or golf shirt) and you buy several copies of them.

Once you have them hanging in your closet, then the dilemma of what to wear magically disappears. Just think of it, strolling through the mall will never include gawking and pining over those new arrivals. And in time, you'll stop caring what the neighbors think about your new attire.

Will I ever start wearing a uniform? Not as long as my family has any say in it, but it's a great comeback for those constant clothing complaints. This is the problem with being a practical and objective person, my only hope is that my spouse never questions me about my need for a new computer every two years or so... but that's different, right?


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Rodda

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Did You Know That Some Men Can Breastfeed! Find Out What Other Crazy Facts I Reveal

About 3 people are born every second, and about 1 1/3 people die every second. The result is about 2 2/3 net increase of people every second. Almost 10 people more live on the Earth now than before you finished reading this.

The first computer was ENACT - (Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer) first introduced in 1946.

The total combined weight of the world's ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population.

Forty-one percent of English women have punched or kicked their partners.

Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860.

The largest living thing on the face of the Earth is a mushroom underground in Oregon. It measures three and a half miles in diameter.

Men with a certain rare medical condition can breastfeed babies.

Two years, four months and three days before the successful flights of the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk, a birdlike monoplane took off at dawn on August 14, 1901, near Bridgeport, Connecticut. Gustavo Whitehead, designer and builder, flew the plane about a half mile. This might have been the first flight in the sky by a machine-powered aircraft - but there is no concrete evidence.

A pig is mentioned only twice in the Bible but is rated as the fourth most intelligent animal. Sheep are mentioned 45 times, goats 88 times, dogs 14 times and lions 89 times but domestic cats are not mentioned.

An ostrich can run up to 70 km/h - (43 mph).



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Samantha_Cantrell

How to Tell a Joke is a Business Skill

1. You and I are not interested in playing the Comedy Room.

2. However - discovering how to improvise our selling story is a closing-skill.

3. So what? We need to learn to organize a funny joke because it helps influence, convince, and persuade folks to accept our business or professional proposals. Not by being a comedian, but because it has the same three elements.

Secret of a Successful Joke

The framework: First, the Set-Up, Second, the plot, and Third, the Punchline.

The Set-Up is a logical beginning where we show agreement with the listener's long-term beliefs and expectations.

Set-Up: A 12 year old comes to his father for help with his homework in using five specific words in five different sentences. Makes sense, right?

The Plot: The Pop seriously creates these five-sentences, but they are obviously wrong, and even jerky. Raises our curiosity - why did he do it?

The Punchline: The kid dopes out he has been scammed by his old man, and gets mad. The Pop explains why he scammed the kid with wrong answers. Problem/Solution.

A Punchline offers a conclusion, payoff, and moral of the story (joke). It is an exaggerated point that makes us laugh at Pop's Switcherzoo. We (listeners) are IN on the joke. We GET it without thinking, analyzing or going to a dictionary.

My Aha! Experience

"Pop, can you help me with my homework? I got these five last words I can't figure out how to use each one in a sentence. "

"Sonny, you come to the right window. Gimme your problem. It is just as important to know where to find the right answer, as learning itself."

"Here, five easy words, but I have to use each one in a separate sentence.

First is Tsunami, that's one I never saw before. Two, is Tutor. Number Three is Denial, used as a legal term. Four is Defeat, used in a specific battle. Number Five is Cataracts, which I don't know at all."

"Gimme that list. Are you ready? I'm not going to repeat it twice, so pay attention.

1. Tsunami, it comes from Latin meaning Salt. I fried the Tsunami and eggs, and added mustard on Italian bread for flavor.

2. Tutor, from the Latin for Horn. In the Bible, Joshua blew down the walls of Jericho because he was a Tutor. Harry James played a mean trumpet, and he was a hot Tutor. See, two for one.

3. Denial runs 4,184 miles in Africa and feeds into the Mediterranean Sea. Oh yeah, Denial separates into the White and Blue, and they collect in Egypt.

4. Defeat. George Washington had 2,300 Patriots at the Battle of Trenton, against the Hessians on December 26, 1776 (day after Xmas). The Americans could not afford boots for their soldiers, who had to wrap Defeat with rags for the seven-mile march to Trenton, New Jersey.

5. Last, is Cataract. The word is taken from the name of a Native-American chief and has come to mean luxury. General Motors owns the Trade Mark for the name Cataract, since August 18, 1902."

I sat there stunned, just 12 years old, but I knew Pop had scammed me.

"I will never ask you anything again. Thanks for nothing."

"Wait - you don't trust me and my answers?"

"No, I don't trust you or anybody else after this."

"Pay attention - this is an important moment in your life. It is called an Aha! Experience. You don't trust your own father, and nobody else, right? You have to trust and depend only on yourself, right?"

"Yeah, right, so what?"

"Sonny, tomorrow I am going to sign you up at the New York Law School. You have learned your first critical lesson about independent research."

"That's was my Pop. Yeah, I went to New York Law School graduated, and passed the Bar (not Kelly's) on the first crack."

How to Persuade, Influence, And Convince

You will almost never read the following in a textbook, hear it from a professor, or reach this conclusion by yourself. It is against the grain, contrarian, and counterintuitive. That is why it is important.

Thinking Bad, Knowing Good

Thinking is B-A-D if you want to persuade, convince or influence others to your ideas. You never want the client, a judge or jury, or a buyer to stop in the middle of your proposal to think, analyze or critically judge your proposal or defense argument.

Procrastination is another name for Think-ing. It delays and terminates the action response you require. You language should communicate simple, basic ideas Automatically - without recourse to complexity and complications. As easy-as-pie.

Problem/Solution

Consider me an Oversimplifier - that is a compliment because Oprah, Dr. Phil, and Jay Leno use Oversimplification - (generalizing) to thank for their superstar status.

We the public, from six-year olds to professionals, to Seniors with PhDs, H-A-T-E thinking, school, and education. It has to be said if you want to learn how to Manipulate - folks to your ideas and proposals.

Wait! Ma-nip-u-late - that word has a negative aura of twisting someone's arm to accept what you say. Yet everyone, every hour of the day is successfully or failing to manipulate their adversary (client) to accept our version of the facts.

Lawyers must manipulate clients to hire them instead of 42,000 other competent counselors. What about manipulating Judges and Juries? Manipulate means to persuade, convince, and influence. It also is a synonym for guide, direct and, negotiate. It is what Doers - do to succeed.

From intelligent folks to the other-kind, we all have problems - stuff that burns our fundament, and causes us pain. We do not want complex explanations. What do we all want? Solutions, cures, and answers, right? Problem/Solution is our universal life goal. Answers, not pleasant conversation.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=H._Bernard_Wechsler

Feel Better With Funny T-Shirts

It's been an age-old belief that laughter makes sick people well. In fact, a lot of publications exploring the healing powers of humor have been released with scientific studies even confirming truth to these claims. Laughter is said to bring a lot of health benefits to people from increased immunity to decreased stress. It is even said that a simple smile will do although laughter still might be more effective in hastening an ill person's recovery. Definitely, this makes people automatically attracted to whatever tickles their funny bone, including funny t-shirts.

Aside from making people feel good, funny tees have also become a fashion phenomenon. Even celebrities have been spotted off cam wearing funny tees which surely helps in making them more popular. Besides, someone who wears a witty thought across his chest is generally viewed as cool. But beyond this physical appeal, we know there's always something more to the humor that is more mysterious and interesting. For example, did you know that laughter, genuine or not, sets off the same physiological reactions that produce the same healing effects in your body? This actually makes it healthy to laugh simply for health reasons which means a person who breaks into laughter without any apparent reason may not necessarily be a looney.

Did you also ever wonder why children tend to recover faster than adults even if they're generally more susceptible to diseases? This fact is being associated with kids' ability to find more reasons to laugh as compared to adults who tend to get too uptight with lessened capability to see humor in life as they age. This also means that it's always better for people to always try to see the brighter side of things no matter how gloomy they seem.

Somewhere out there, there's always a reason to be happy and growing a skill for spotting that reason is more likely to happen when humor becomes a way of life. It's not even always about laughing. Mere openness of the mind to receive humor is the most important part of all. Part of the healing wonders of laughter has something to do with the psychological dimension in a human being. Aside from the physiological benefits, laughter also works to improve one's disposition in life. And it is a guaranteed stress reliever which is probably one of its properties that gives it such tremendous power to heal. It is said that most of today's ailments are significantly linked to stress. Thus, it follows that controlling this stress through humor promotes healing.




Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_J._Parker

Gastric Band Humour

A sense of humour helps when you have a laparoscopic lap band inserted. The change in lifestyle can take some adjusting to. I don't mean in the immediate stage after the banding but long-term. Once the weight has really started to come off and you are getting your figure and 'social acceptance' back.

One of my funnier and more memorable moments came when I went out on my first date. I was feeling pretty good about myself and we went to this very nice, swish fish restaurant down by the wharf. I loved fish and I knew it was one of the foods that I had no trouble at this stage of my banding eating. This was about 5 months after I had it done.

The evening was progressing well. He was charming and attentive and the evening lulled into darkness with the lights shining across the water. It was a very romantic setting. We had to wait a little bit for our order to arrive because the restaurant was busy so we had a couple of drinks first, as one does in such an ambient atmosphere.

What I had forgotten to take into account was the drinks (2 glasses of white wine) were quite filling so that by the time my dinner arrived, I hadn't had the time lapse for the fluid to pass through the band. Oh, bad miscalculation. The other thing that gave me a problem was I had never been to that restaurant before so I had to ask where the bathroom facilities were.




Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jan_Smith

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Giving a Fake Lottery Ticket to a Friend is a Cool Way to See the Emotion of a New Lotto Winner

Do you ever wonder how you would react the very moment you found out that you won the lottery? What emotions would you feel? Would you scream? Would you stay silent because of the shock? The only way to know for sure is to actually win it, which may be a little difficult to do, considering the odds. But you could do the next best thing. You could give a fake lottery ticket to a friend and see what the reaction of a new lotto winner would be.

You could buy fake lottery tickets online or in a novelty store. They're easy to get and can make for a really cool gag. But the best part of giving fake lottery tickets to friends is to see their reactions and emotions to finding out they're a winner. If they think the ticket is real, their reaction will be real. And, if you're anything like your friend, it could probably show you how you, yourself, would react to such a win.

Even if you can't find a store that you could buy a fake lottery ticket at, you could search online. There are many videos on the internet showing people scratch those fake instant scratch-off tickets because it's a gag that's so easy to set up - Just hide the camera, give a ticket to someone, and film them finding out that they're a new lottery winner.




Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tino_Sundin