A funny quote has power to turn the worst situation into a bearable one. It is something that can really make difference in your daily life. It makes you bear the toughest situations of life easily. Somehow it reminds all of us that life is for fun and enjoyment. It reminds us about what is truly important about our existence on earth.

A funny quote about life given on a perfect situation can really stimulate your mind. No matter how stressed and tensed you are, reading funny life quotes can immediately bring smile on your face. And when you smile you forgot all of your worries and troubles. You feel a new energy within you. The excitement and happiness that funny quotes on life bring into your life makes you ready to tackle difficult situation of life with optimism and enthusiasm.

Whenever I come across a funny quote that make me burst with laughter, I jot it down. I have a very big collection of funny, inspirational, motivational and humorous life quotes which I am collecting from over the years. It's a good thing to collect famous quotes because whenever you are feeling blue they can serve you as a wonderful counselor.

Here are my Top Five Favorite Funny Quotes about Life to make you rolling on the floor with laughter.

1- Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. - Carl Sandburg

2- The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly -- because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them. - Michael Caine

3- Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. - Anthony Trollope

4- Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

5- My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other. - Josh Billings



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When the economy looks gloomy, everyone needs some humor for a good laugh. As the saying goes, "Laughter is the best medicine." That's probably true to a certain extent. Laughter can most certainly help relieve stress. And as we all know, too much stress can be harmful to health. Fortunately, there are tons of free resources on the Internet that will have you in stitches in no time. Let's take a look at some of these resources.

Funny pictures.

There are all kinds of funny pictures on the Internet. Some are based on true events, while others are created just for a few good laughs. For instance, you can find entertainment images of your favorite celebrities. Mostly, these are images that are edited by fans and posted on various humor sites. There are literally hundreds (or thousands) of such images on the web. You just have to know where to look.

Cool stuff.

Cool stuff is entertaining as well. These are pictures that may or may not be funny. But there are very interesting. People tend to circulate such pictures via email to their family and friends because these images look cool. Looking cool means the subject of focus is something that is out of the ordinary. For instance, you may see a picture of a cool robot that is created from scrap metal.

Illusions.

Illusions can provide hours and hours of entertainment. These images are created with the intention of fooling the perception of the viewer. The illusions are mostly created with clever image editing tricks. A single image can be used to represent more than one view - depending on how you look at the picture. Usually, you will need to spend a few minutes on each picture just to be able to see the optical illusion.

Funny kids pictures.

Children are always fun to have around. They get into lots of funny situations because of their innocence. Many children photos don't even need to be edited. The original photos are already pretty funny. Besides, children have the liberty to do anything they want without getting into trouble. So the possibilities for great pictures are endless. For example, a young child posing as a football fan can show the middle finger and look cute. An adult showing the middle finger will certainly come across as offensive!

Military images.

Sometimes, a serious environment can create the most hilarious situations. For those who enjoy military jokes, such images are ideal. Jokes are often based on soldiers and interesting looking weaponry.

Funny people pictures.

Children can be funny, but sometimes, adults get into humorous situations as well. Many of these pictures or snapshots of adults making funny faces. On occasions, you get to see funny things happening to adults in real life. These are usually shots that are captured while an adult is working. During the act, an accident happens (like falling off a ladder). Adults clowning around can be quite funny at times.

Political jokes.

Many people like to make fun of politicians. Instead of adopting a serious view about politics, many bloggers and webmasters create funny pictures of key figures. These images tend to attract more readers.



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My recent birthday dragged "double nickels" kicking and screaming into my psyche. Now, several recurrent thoughts occupy my feeble mind: Sandra Bullock in a wet tee-shirt (although I've forgotten why); honey-flavored pitted prunes (obviously, a desire to remain a regular guy); and, a late night snack with Jack Kevorkian (excuse me, Doc, is that Grey Poupon in your bag?). This sudden awareness of mortality bites like a pit bull in a post office.

In a positive vein, men on both sides of my blood line typically live full lives. Grandpa McCormick died at 93. Grandpa Noble at 95. Averaging these, I figure I've got 39 years left. And if these are Jack Benny's 39 years, there's nothing to worry about. However, a dichotomy exists in our approach to aging today. Supposedly, we're living longer. Heaven forbid if that's the case! If heredity has my clock wound to somewhere between 93 and 95, my greatest fear is that the coming 39 years will be dedicated to avoiding things that might kill me: Fat, cholesterol, sodium, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine.

Those ingredients my grandfathers didn't know could kill them...so they didn't. We're not good at tolerating senior citizens today. Even though they represent one of the fastest growing market segments in the United States, and control billions of dollars' worth of discretionary resources. And, how have they managed to amass and control such great wealth? That's a no-brainer...they've stopped spending it on rich food, good booze, cigarettes and cigars, designer coffee, and all the other stuff that could kill them before they hit 100.

Today, we honk at older folks who act confused at stoplights, turn too sharply, or poke along below the speed limit. We raise our voices when they don't readily understand what we say. We become impatient when they can't make up their minds over chocolate or vanilla. And, we laugh off the compulsive rituals they've followed for most of a century without thinking twice about their actions. Why do we do these things...we youngsters schlepping through Middle Age? Perhaps to convince ourselves we're not like that; although we're headed in the same inevitable direction. We're probably reacting out of fear.

We can't imagine what we'll be like as we approach Old Age, and are afraid we'll become one of THEM. But is that all bad? After all, they're alive. More than that, they're living. When I see an older couple walking - close together, hand in hand -- she might take her purse, give him a shot alongside the head and say: "Straighten up, you old fool!" This doesn't concern me. Although, that's probably my wife and me in 39 years. That image makes me glad...not sad. Anticipatory...not apprehensive. Reassured...not remorseful. Such an image encourages me to embrace seniority, not sulk from it. Besides...my wife hit double nickels nine months before me!



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A Friendly Note to All My e-Mail Correspondents Listen Up! I'm Just Going to Say this Once.

Hey, call me an old curmudgeon (and many do!), but I'm through pussy-footing around with some of my e-mail correspondents. I've just about had it and I'm not going to take it anymore! So, all you e-mail correspondents of mine, listen up, because I am only going to say this once! I've got a few "bones" to pick with you and, by golly, I'm going to pick them. Now. Right here. You're not going to be able to stop me!

Some of you-and you certainly know who you are, so don't try to say you don't!-seem to find it necessary to consistently irritate me with what I will charitably characterize as your e-mail "quirks." (Actually, I would prefer to use another word here, but I am going to try and keep this note "G-rated.") What am I talking about? Let's get started!

My 'Forward' Correspondents

You know those cute little "sayings," "poems," "inspirational" messages, ad nauseam, that some of you have received from friends and family and have seen fit to "forward" to me, asking me to also forward them to my friends and family? How can I say this? How can I delicately state my true feelings about these "communications"? Stop sending me these! I hate this *#$@! Stop it! Now! No more! (Oh, and don't think I'm moved in the least by your implied threats of something "bad" happening to me if I don't also "forward" these messages. Something "bad" already happens to me the instant I receive these e-mails from you!)

Thank you!

OK, now moving on.

My 'Capital' Correspondents

The use of capital letters is indeed very helpful to a reader of your e-mails, and I especially thank you for taking the time to use them in e-mails you send to me. Among other things, it helps me to know a.) where the beginning of a sentence is; and/or b.) it alerts me that you are using a proper noun, i.e., an important person, place of thing, instead of just an old, commonplace noun. But, come on, can you get out of the habit of USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS THROUGHOUT YOUR E-MAIL?! Do you have any idea how irritating that is to the reader? Particularly this reader?! Get a life and STOP doing this!

Thank you.

My 'Small' Correspondents

The flip side of the CAPITAL correspondents are those of you who use small letters (usually with no punctuation whatsoever!) throughout your e-mail. Hey, it was cute when poet e.e. cummings introduced this "revolutionary" technique about two hundred years or so ago. Today? Not quite so cute. So can you please refrain from this practice?

Thank you.

My 'ADD' Correspondents

I know, I know. Many of you are getting "a little long in the tooth," and are finding it harder and harder to focus and concentrate these days. But, hey, is it possible for you to at least pretend that you actually read (and understood!) the e-mail I send you and to which (theoretically, at least) you are now responding? I don't mean to hurt your feelings, particularly if you actually are exhibiting early onset symptoms of Alzheimer's, but you're beginning to remind me an awful lot of my friend George. You probably have friends like George, too. You know, the person who is not listening to one word that comes out of your mouth when you're having a "conversation" with him. Instead, he is focused entirely on what he is going to say next! Frustrating! Irritating! Maddening!

In a nutshell, then, all I am asking is this: If I ask you a question (or two or more!) in my e-mail to you, would you please humor me by actually addressing and answering the question(s) in your e-mail response to me?

Thank you.

My 'Celebrity' Correspondents

I am a "news junkie," and as such, I read a LOT of newspapers and editorial columns both online and offline each and every day. I particularly like to read the editorials, and of course, I have my "favorites," who, for obvious reasons, shall go unnamed here. So, whenever I read something I particularly like, by someone whose writing or viewpoint I particularly admire, I usually take the time to e-mail the reporter or editorial writer and tell them so. Do I ever get a response of any kind? Surely you jest! Not even an "auto response" acknowledgment. Sad.

Now, I am fully aware that some of you view yourselves as "celebrities," and maybe you are, at least in the sense that the term is so loosely defined in today's society. Maybe you honestly believe that you simply can't be bothered to acknowledge, in any way shape, form or fashion, us, "the little people," who actually read what you write and care enough to comment upon it.

And you wonder why the number of newspaper subscribers/readers continues to trend downward, year after year after year.

Can you at least set up some type of "auto response" to let your readers who respond to you know that their comments were actually received? You are writing something for people to actually read, aren't you? I hope so.



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When we listen to the media in China, they keep telling us that the recession is over and they've had over 6% growth rate this year in their GDP. Personally, I don't believe it, I believe it to be more like 4.25% by my calculations, and I'm quite worried about the fact that they are giving too many loans, and thus see a problem with their economy overheating, and inflationary risks with the Yuan.

Nevertheless, there are many people, such as the famous investor Jim Rogers, who coincidentally wrote the book "A Bull in China; Investing Profitably in the World's Greatest Market," and "Investment Biker; on the Road with Jim Rogers," who believe that the Chinese economy will continue to grow and eventually surpass that of the United States of America, which as you know, our GDP is at around $17 trillion per year as soon as the market returns.

It may not be until 2035 or 2040 until China catches us in GDP, as we are also slowly expanding, well provided everything goes right for them. It is for this reason that I need to learn Chinese, and it makes sense that anyone who plans on doing business in that country learn the language. Unfortunately, there is also a new language that our teenagers are speaking, and these millennials are starting to enter the workforce. The characters of their new language are just is frightening as learning 45,000 Chinese symbols.

The new language that our teens and millennials are using is called; "Texting" and the best way to learn is by doing it; meaning that you have to spend hours each day sending text messages, meaningless gibberish to all of your friends to learn it correctly. Once you do this, you are cool enough to do business with the teens and millennials who claim that they are one of the greatest up-and-coming demographics. We will see, but first it's time to start learning this new language. Please consider this.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes you should learn texting and how to make phone calls on the internet too; ip pbx



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Laughter, it has been said, is the best medicine. This is literally true. Study after study has shown that laughter not only eases pain and suffering, but it actually helps the healing process by reducing blood pressure and releasing stress. Pranks are even better than jokes at getting a laugh. A joke is only funny once, but humorous shenanigans can get rooms full of people howling many years later as they are recounted.

For this reason, I fall squarely on the side of pranks in the hot debate over whether they are superior to jokes. Congress should really settle this issue once and for all by passing legislation declaring fun-filled tricks as the optimal catalyst of laughter and thus healing. They could call it the "Heal America Happily Act" or HAHA for short. When some joker challenged HAHA in court, I am sure that pranksters across this great land would rise up with one inspiring voice to solicit donations. These monies would hire the finest team of attorneys the world has ever seen -- or at least the best since O.J. Simpson's first trial -- to defend pranking and its advocates all the way to the Supreme Court.

When the case of Joe Kerr vs. The United States is won by the People, the issue will be settled once and for all: America is a land where jokes are OK but pranks are awesome. We revere those who fool others because they create generations worth of yuks in one single, well executed maneuver. Any joker can nail a punchline. It takes a true genius to fool someone right to the point of freaking out, then relieve them by letting them know that they have been punked.



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You're about to leave for a special event, and your spouse is clawing through her closet crying "I don't have anything to wear!" Now you know full well that there's enough fabric in that closet to resurface Central Park, so what do you do? You want to sympathize with her, but the old Visa card just can't take another hit. Here is the universal solution to this problem, and once deployed, will guarantee that you'll never have to endure a similar complaint again: start wearing uniforms.

"Think of the advantages, honey," you announce, "we won't spend another second deciding what to wear in the morning!" This idea didn't originate with me; the military has been using it from the beginning of time. Private schools do it, and even some corporations. So why not a "family uniform"?

I actually know a very brilliant fellow who did this many years ago (I'll have to check if he's continued this habit as he's remarried now). All you do is find a neural color combination that you'll be happy with, choose a style of top (button-shirt, t-shirt, or golf shirt) and you buy several copies of them.

Once you have them hanging in your closet, then the dilemma of what to wear magically disappears. Just think of it, strolling through the mall will never include gawking and pining over those new arrivals. And in time, you'll stop caring what the neighbors think about your new attire.

Will I ever start wearing a uniform? Not as long as my family has any say in it, but it's a great comeback for those constant clothing complaints. This is the problem with being a practical and objective person, my only hope is that my spouse never questions me about my need for a new computer every two years or so... but that's different, right?


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About 3 people are born every second, and about 1 1/3 people die every second. The result is about 2 2/3 net increase of people every second. Almost 10 people more live on the Earth now than before you finished reading this.

The first computer was ENACT - (Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer) first introduced in 1946.

The total combined weight of the world's ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population.

Forty-one percent of English women have punched or kicked their partners.

Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860.

The largest living thing on the face of the Earth is a mushroom underground in Oregon. It measures three and a half miles in diameter.

Men with a certain rare medical condition can breastfeed babies.

Two years, four months and three days before the successful flights of the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk, a birdlike monoplane took off at dawn on August 14, 1901, near Bridgeport, Connecticut. Gustavo Whitehead, designer and builder, flew the plane about a half mile. This might have been the first flight in the sky by a machine-powered aircraft - but there is no concrete evidence.

A pig is mentioned only twice in the Bible but is rated as the fourth most intelligent animal. Sheep are mentioned 45 times, goats 88 times, dogs 14 times and lions 89 times but domestic cats are not mentioned.

An ostrich can run up to 70 km/h - (43 mph).



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1. You and I are not interested in playing the Comedy Room.

2. However - discovering how to improvise our selling story is a closing-skill.

3. So what? We need to learn to organize a funny joke because it helps influence, convince, and persuade folks to accept our business or professional proposals. Not by being a comedian, but because it has the same three elements.

Secret of a Successful Joke

The framework: First, the Set-Up, Second, the plot, and Third, the Punchline.

The Set-Up is a logical beginning where we show agreement with the listener's long-term beliefs and expectations.

Set-Up: A 12 year old comes to his father for help with his homework in using five specific words in five different sentences. Makes sense, right?

The Plot: The Pop seriously creates these five-sentences, but they are obviously wrong, and even jerky. Raises our curiosity - why did he do it?

The Punchline: The kid dopes out he has been scammed by his old man, and gets mad. The Pop explains why he scammed the kid with wrong answers. Problem/Solution.

A Punchline offers a conclusion, payoff, and moral of the story (joke). It is an exaggerated point that makes us laugh at Pop's Switcherzoo. We (listeners) are IN on the joke. We GET it without thinking, analyzing or going to a dictionary.

My Aha! Experience

"Pop, can you help me with my homework? I got these five last words I can't figure out how to use each one in a sentence. "

"Sonny, you come to the right window. Gimme your problem. It is just as important to know where to find the right answer, as learning itself."

"Here, five easy words, but I have to use each one in a separate sentence.

First is Tsunami, that's one I never saw before. Two, is Tutor. Number Three is Denial, used as a legal term. Four is Defeat, used in a specific battle. Number Five is Cataracts, which I don't know at all."

"Gimme that list. Are you ready? I'm not going to repeat it twice, so pay attention.

1. Tsunami, it comes from Latin meaning Salt. I fried the Tsunami and eggs, and added mustard on Italian bread for flavor.

2. Tutor, from the Latin for Horn. In the Bible, Joshua blew down the walls of Jericho because he was a Tutor. Harry James played a mean trumpet, and he was a hot Tutor. See, two for one.

3. Denial runs 4,184 miles in Africa and feeds into the Mediterranean Sea. Oh yeah, Denial separates into the White and Blue, and they collect in Egypt.

4. Defeat. George Washington had 2,300 Patriots at the Battle of Trenton, against the Hessians on December 26, 1776 (day after Xmas). The Americans could not afford boots for their soldiers, who had to wrap Defeat with rags for the seven-mile march to Trenton, New Jersey.

5. Last, is Cataract. The word is taken from the name of a Native-American chief and has come to mean luxury. General Motors owns the Trade Mark for the name Cataract, since August 18, 1902."

I sat there stunned, just 12 years old, but I knew Pop had scammed me.

"I will never ask you anything again. Thanks for nothing."

"Wait - you don't trust me and my answers?"

"No, I don't trust you or anybody else after this."

"Pay attention - this is an important moment in your life. It is called an Aha! Experience. You don't trust your own father, and nobody else, right? You have to trust and depend only on yourself, right?"

"Yeah, right, so what?"

"Sonny, tomorrow I am going to sign you up at the New York Law School. You have learned your first critical lesson about independent research."

"That's was my Pop. Yeah, I went to New York Law School graduated, and passed the Bar (not Kelly's) on the first crack."

How to Persuade, Influence, And Convince

You will almost never read the following in a textbook, hear it from a professor, or reach this conclusion by yourself. It is against the grain, contrarian, and counterintuitive. That is why it is important.

Thinking Bad, Knowing Good

Thinking is B-A-D if you want to persuade, convince or influence others to your ideas. You never want the client, a judge or jury, or a buyer to stop in the middle of your proposal to think, analyze or critically judge your proposal or defense argument.

Procrastination is another name for Think-ing. It delays and terminates the action response you require. You language should communicate simple, basic ideas Automatically - without recourse to complexity and complications. As easy-as-pie.

Problem/Solution

Consider me an Oversimplifier - that is a compliment because Oprah, Dr. Phil, and Jay Leno use Oversimplification - (generalizing) to thank for their superstar status.

We the public, from six-year olds to professionals, to Seniors with PhDs, H-A-T-E thinking, school, and education. It has to be said if you want to learn how to Manipulate - folks to your ideas and proposals.

Wait! Ma-nip-u-late - that word has a negative aura of twisting someone's arm to accept what you say. Yet everyone, every hour of the day is successfully or failing to manipulate their adversary (client) to accept our version of the facts.

Lawyers must manipulate clients to hire them instead of 42,000 other competent counselors. What about manipulating Judges and Juries? Manipulate means to persuade, convince, and influence. It also is a synonym for guide, direct and, negotiate. It is what Doers - do to succeed.

From intelligent folks to the other-kind, we all have problems - stuff that burns our fundament, and causes us pain. We do not want complex explanations. What do we all want? Solutions, cures, and answers, right? Problem/Solution is our universal life goal. Answers, not pleasant conversation.



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It's been an age-old belief that laughter makes sick people well. In fact, a lot of publications exploring the healing powers of humor have been released with scientific studies even confirming truth to these claims. Laughter is said to bring a lot of health benefits to people from increased immunity to decreased stress. It is even said that a simple smile will do although laughter still might be more effective in hastening an ill person's recovery. Definitely, this makes people automatically attracted to whatever tickles their funny bone, including funny t-shirts.

Aside from making people feel good, funny tees have also become a fashion phenomenon. Even celebrities have been spotted off cam wearing funny tees which surely helps in making them more popular. Besides, someone who wears a witty thought across his chest is generally viewed as cool. But beyond this physical appeal, we know there's always something more to the humor that is more mysterious and interesting. For example, did you know that laughter, genuine or not, sets off the same physiological reactions that produce the same healing effects in your body? This actually makes it healthy to laugh simply for health reasons which means a person who breaks into laughter without any apparent reason may not necessarily be a looney.

Did you also ever wonder why children tend to recover faster than adults even if they're generally more susceptible to diseases? This fact is being associated with kids' ability to find more reasons to laugh as compared to adults who tend to get too uptight with lessened capability to see humor in life as they age. This also means that it's always better for people to always try to see the brighter side of things no matter how gloomy they seem.

Somewhere out there, there's always a reason to be happy and growing a skill for spotting that reason is more likely to happen when humor becomes a way of life. It's not even always about laughing. Mere openness of the mind to receive humor is the most important part of all. Part of the healing wonders of laughter has something to do with the psychological dimension in a human being. Aside from the physiological benefits, laughter also works to improve one's disposition in life. And it is a guaranteed stress reliever which is probably one of its properties that gives it such tremendous power to heal. It is said that most of today's ailments are significantly linked to stress. Thus, it follows that controlling this stress through humor promotes healing.




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A sense of humour helps when you have a laparoscopic lap band inserted. The change in lifestyle can take some adjusting to. I don't mean in the immediate stage after the banding but long-term. Once the weight has really started to come off and you are getting your figure and 'social acceptance' back.

One of my funnier and more memorable moments came when I went out on my first date. I was feeling pretty good about myself and we went to this very nice, swish fish restaurant down by the wharf. I loved fish and I knew it was one of the foods that I had no trouble at this stage of my banding eating. This was about 5 months after I had it done.

The evening was progressing well. He was charming and attentive and the evening lulled into darkness with the lights shining across the water. It was a very romantic setting. We had to wait a little bit for our order to arrive because the restaurant was busy so we had a couple of drinks first, as one does in such an ambient atmosphere.

What I had forgotten to take into account was the drinks (2 glasses of white wine) were quite filling so that by the time my dinner arrived, I hadn't had the time lapse for the fluid to pass through the band. Oh, bad miscalculation. The other thing that gave me a problem was I had never been to that restaurant before so I had to ask where the bathroom facilities were.




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Do you ever wonder how you would react the very moment you found out that you won the lottery? What emotions would you feel? Would you scream? Would you stay silent because of the shock? The only way to know for sure is to actually win it, which may be a little difficult to do, considering the odds. But you could do the next best thing. You could give a fake lottery ticket to a friend and see what the reaction of a new lotto winner would be.

You could buy fake lottery tickets online or in a novelty store. They're easy to get and can make for a really cool gag. But the best part of giving fake lottery tickets to friends is to see their reactions and emotions to finding out they're a winner. If they think the ticket is real, their reaction will be real. And, if you're anything like your friend, it could probably show you how you, yourself, would react to such a win.

Even if you can't find a store that you could buy a fake lottery ticket at, you could search online. There are many videos on the internet showing people scratch those fake instant scratch-off tickets because it's a gag that's so easy to set up - Just hide the camera, give a ticket to someone, and film them finding out that they're a new lottery winner.




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Life is unpredictable, and even more so if you are married to a Time Traveler. He is born with a rare genetic condition called "Chrono Displacement Disorder." As with any disorder, you have to adapt to what life has dealt him and this condition is no different. This manual describes how to become a member of the Time Traveler's wives club.

It is unknown as to the number afflicted with this anomaly, but the results are typically the same; at any time during the day or night he can end up catapulted through time only to be delivered naked in an unknown period. You will never know where or when he landed.

To truly find happiness while he is bouncing through the ages is to join a special wives club like this. They know what it's like spend many nights awake waiting for their husband to return with only partial recollections of your marriage.

To join, there are three major criteria:

1. You have to be married to a Time Traveler. This of course is a no brainer for you since he is always missing.

2. You have to be willing to explain the concept. This is crucial as many member wannabes try to join, but do not even understand the mechanics of time displacement.

3. You need to be willing to take regular regression hypnosis sessions. This will help you and the others remember the good old days with your time traveler. As the good old days change, your memories will adjust and create new ones.

Further studies by well known scientists like Dr. Emmet Brown, theorize that the universe time space continuum is being maintained through these individuals and that their service is crucial to the fate of mankind and the universe. You as a dutiful wife need to understand the service they are providing and the Time Traveler's wives club will help support your efforts.

In conclusion, we hope you have found this section on how to become a member of the Time Traveler's wives club informative. Your role in the master plan to fix the time space anomalies is crucial to the success of mankind.

Let's be serious, the reason you are reading this is that you had an interest in the title and off the wall twist of the subject. If you can relate to the character or like the material, subscribe to my articles for the future.

I do this to bring a smile or chuckle to your day, I have more of these little tidbits in a FREE PDF.

If interested in a shirt, a DVD or whatever, take a look around and feel free to obtain a piece of merchandise for yourself or someone else as it relates to the The Time Traveler's Wife or subject matter of this article.



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Realty TV stars are hard to watch, but even harder to ignore if their real life turns into a paparazzi storm. If you are currently in the middle of your 15 minutes of fame and want to jump start your exposure to the mass media, this section on "How to become the subject of a media frenzy" is what you have been waiting for.

There once was a family in Pennsylvania that was the center of a reality show that made some good coin allowing the world to see their day to day rituals play out as they raised their 8 children on TV. With 2 older children and a set of sextuplets, they received mediocre ratings as their fan base watched them go the doctor, the grocery store and other exciting daily activities.

Then, out of nowhere, the paparazzi snaps a picture or two as one of the parental figures is seen leaving a strange home at a very strange hour. Uh oh! The fuse is lit, the media machine begins to churn and in a day or so, the tabloids are calling and you have a larger spotlight pointed right at you watching every twitch, and hanging on every word that you utter.

Congratulations, you are on your way to media frenzy stardom! The ratings go through the roof and your value to the network show has just escalated 10 fold. The next several weeks will be a myriad of interviews, speculation and surreal life situations that have never presented themselves before.

Another reality hyped frenzy that might also serve as an instructional guide along the multiple birth trail would include the story of "Octomom". People love to be entertained by real life multiple delivery families, and this one is no exception. She is even getting her own show on Fox, go figure.

We hope you find these tips on how to become the subject of a media frenzy enlightening and informative as you plan your 15 minutes fame.

Let's be serious, the reason you are reading this is that you had an interest in the title and off the wall twist of the subject. If you can relate to the character or like the material, subscribe to my articles for the future.

I do this to bring a smile or chuckle to your day, I have more of these little tidbits in a FREE PDF.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Owen_Roberts

I come from German ancestry, almost all of my forebearers, are German. I am a third generation, American. However because of excessive in-breeding by my Grandparents, I am almost all German by descent.

Not too bad really, I was always a very good athlete, but there was one stigma I never could shake, The German big butt syndrome (GBBS). It seems that all Germans (and their progeny) have big butts! And I don't mean kinda big, I mean BIG.

Like I said I was always a good athlete, but even in the best of shape, I still had a noticeable butt. "Bubble butt" is what they called me at work 8 years ago, while at the time I was running 35mi. a week to prepare for a marathon!

Well here I am, 8 years older, and only jogging (maybe shuffling is a better term), 12 mi a week. I try not to make a habit of bending over in front of my crew at work. The whistles and the snickers, are very embarrassing! Hey! I can't help my DNA man! Show a brother some compassion will ya? And to think what a good boss (that's jeffe, in Spanish) I am to them.

Like "Dirty Harry" said,"A man has to know his limits", and right now my limits are being contained in a 36" waist. At least I know if I hap-hazardously bend over in front of someone, no one will get hurt, injured, or frightened unless I clip them with my big butt.




Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Muehleisen

At the moment I'm researching lots of information about the New Forest during WW2. I've been finding out loads of fascinating facts but had to stop and laugh when I read about a New Forest cream tea which went very wrong during World War Two.

Apparently, during WW2 it was still possible to enjoy the delights of a thigh-expanding cream tea - despite wartime restrictions. I presume if you had access to a cow, a field for grain and flour and a few strawberries growing in the veggie patch you were pretty much self sufficient for cream tea production in the New Forest during WW2.

There were literally thousands of wartime personnel living on the New Forest during WW2, not only British but also Canadian, American, Portuguese, and many more nationalities. Some were providing labour to build the many airfields which were springing up all over the New Forest, like the Irish and Pakistani workers.

Whoever they were, at this time of austerity, everyone would jump a the chance of a fat scone, dollop of cream, all topped with a generous spoonful of homemade jam.

Close to Picket Post, where the Ocknell campsite is today, was an old cottage which was being run as Dick Turpin's tearoom. You would step into the cottage through the front door and be straight into the front parlour, where tables and chairs were set out for you to enjoy your very welcome cup of tea.

Because it was the New Forest, and like my cottage is today, New Forest ponies would have been free to wander around during WW2. At Dick Turpin cottage, an old gelding (castrated), New Forest pony loved to stand with his head through the front door of the cottage, snoozing on his legs, or watching the cream teas being consumed with gusto.

At certain times of the year on the New Forest stallions are put out Their only job is to be really male and impregnate all the mares they can find. Even today this happens and most stallions are only intent on fulfilling this job. Although this was during WW2, even now they thunder about the New Forest, like kids on an asbo, and heaven help you if you get in their way when they've spotted a future conquest.

Well, the old geldings rump was sticking out at the front of the cottage and the local stallion spotted it. All other male New Forest ponies aren't tolerated by the stallions at this time. I have seen them forlornly standing at a distance from their regular herd of mares and last years foals, waiting for the time when the macho posturing has finished and they can again be allowed back into the herd.

Spotting this old male rump sticking out from the cottage door, the stallion saw it as a threat and immediately bit down hard!

Jonnie, the old gelding, awoke with a start and leapt forward! Of course forward was the front parlour where scones, cream, tea, and jam were being consumed with gusto. Jonnie piled into the cottage knocking over tables, people and teapots - tea went flying and jam and cream flew through the air.

Bedlam ensued, but Jonnie was still in a state of shock - his rump was punctured by a nasty row of knashers and he was very frightened.

He did a massive wee.

Well wouldn't you? Anyone who has been near a pony or horse when it does a wee knows that this isn't just a pint of golden nectar - it's gallons of the stuff and seems to go on forever.

So, amongst the debris of a tearoom which had suffered the equivalent of a nuclear attack, from what must have looked like a monster sized New Forest pony in such a small cottage, there then came flooding. Flooding from a hot pungent outdoor smelling source - Jonnies bladder.

Jonnie was calmed down and eventually stopped the flow of warm, pungent froth. Mops were brought out, tables set back up and cream and jam wiped from the walls and probably picked out of hair.

When all was back to normal one person was heard to say in a very British way - Does this happen often?

The owner of Dick Turpin tearoom could honestly say No! (and mutter thank God to themselves).

It must have really been a great tale to relive back at camp - for all those lucky enough not to have tried to experience a New Forest cream tea during WW2. I suppose it would be called getting up close to nature - no wonder they say today cream teas could be bad for you?

This is just one of my New Forest Tales which I have included on my unique travel guide. My guide is about living in the New Forest but should also be helpful if you are thinking of visiting the New Forest National Park in the UK.

I've found out an awful lot about the part that the New Forest played in the successful outcome of WW2 for the Allies. You can find out more if you want to at My New Forest Life travel Guide.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_Norman

The modern-day world can be quite stressful. It seems that no matter how much money you have, or how little money you have, everyone has got something to worry about. This is especially so with the way that the modern-day economy is going. For the last few years there have been small economic crises which have resulted in a time of economic recession.

If the worries get too much we can sometimes let it get to us. It can cause depression and other illnesses because of this. Worries sometimes turn into more serious issues when people start losing their jobs, or will have to take pay cuts in their jobs, or simply having to take on jobs that they don't like.

They say that laughter is the best medicine and I thoroughly agree with this. But the best ways to have a little chuckle is to read some funny quotes about life. Funny quotes about life will make you smile at the very least, and most of the time they will stick in your memory and you can tell others which spread the humor and the smiles.

What is it about funny quotes about life that are so good? Well for a start it's because they are about life in general. They take a fact about life, or a worry, or something that we all take very seriously, and they turn it on its head and point out the lighter side. They are way of expressing that we shouldn't take life too seriously. Life is short after all and to be honest we all should be laughing at every opportunity.




Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jack_A._Burton

As I am wont to do on a Tuesday morning in July, I was daydreaming about International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which I make a point of honoring every year. And, in true Carrie Bradshaw style, I "couldn't help but wonder" how many other silly holidays and commemoration days there are in the world.

A quick trawl round the 'Net revealed that there are in fact hundreds of weird and wonderful holidays and commemoration days celebrated around the world. Far too many to list here, so here are my top 75. They're all real - Google them if you don't believe me!

16 January - Appreciate a Dragon Day
22 January - Answer your Cat's Questions Day ('When's dinner?' 'What's for dinner?' 'Dinner?')
26 January - Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
31 January - National Gorilla Suit Day
7 February - Wave all your Fingers at your Neighbours Day
8 February - Laugh and Get Rich Day
13 February - Blame Someone Else Day
21 February - Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day
3 March - What if Cats and Dogs had Opposable Thumbs Day
14 March - International Fanny Pack Day (possibly only funny in the UK)
20 March - Snowman Burning Day (how does that work?)
31 March - National "She's Funny That Way" Day
11 April - International "Louie Louie" Day
15 April - Take a Wild Guess Day
23 April - Talk like Shakespeare Day
24 April - National Hairball Awareness Day
26 April - Hug an Australian Day
1 May - No Pants Day
3 May - Lumpy Rug Day
3 May - National Two Different Coloured Shoes Day
4 May - Respect for Chickens Day
9 May- Stay up All Night Day
13 May - Root Canal Appreciation Day
14 May - National Chicken Dance Day
20 May - International Day of Dishwashing Liquids
22 May - National Wig Out Day
28 May - Slugs Return from Capistrano Day
2 June - Yell "Fudge" at the Cobras in North America Day
6 June - Doo-dah Day
8 June - Upsy Daisy Day
19 June - World Sauntering Day
22 June - Stupid Guy Thing Day
26 June - Ugly Dog Day
29 June - Please Take my Children to Work Day (...because they are driving me bloomin' mad)
1 July - Second Half of the Year Day
2 July - I Forget Day
3 July - Compliment your Mirror Day (oh baby, you're soooo good at reflections...)
6 July - Take your Webmaster to Lunch Day
10 July - Don't Step on a Bee Day
13 July - Embrace your Geekness Day
22 July - Spoonerism Day
25 July - Cow Appreciation Day (oh Daisy, you're really moo-tiful)
7 August - Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
8 August - Sneak Some Zucchini onto your Neighbour's Porch Night (could this be any more random?)
12 August - Sewing Machine Day
17 August - Meaning of "is" Day (go on then - what does "is" mean?)
22 August - Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
28 August - Race your Mouse Around the Icons Day
28 August - Crackers Over the Keyboard Day
5 September - Be Late for Something Day
19 September - International Talk Like a Pirate Day
19 September - Wife Appreciation Day
19 September - Big Whopper Liar Day (I'm sure there's a way to combine all three of 19 September's silly holidays...)
26 September - Fish Amnesty Day (don't worry, Codfather - you're safe, for one day only)
12 October - International Moment of Frustration Scream Day
12 October - National Kick Butt Day
14 October - Be Bald and Be Free Day
17 October - World Toy Camera Day
22 October - Caps Lock Day (or is that CAPS LOCK DAY?)
27 October - Cranky Co-Workers Day
30 October - Create a Great Funeral Day (like you're going to be around to enjoy it...)
30 October - Haunted Refrigerator Night
8 November - Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day (my husband's socks ought to do the trick)
18 November - Married to a Scorpio Support Day
19 November - World Toilet Day
19 November - Have a Bad Day Day
20 November - Name your PC Day (I typed this list on Beryl, my trusty laptop)
25 November - Tie One On Day
30 November - Stay at Home because you're Well Day
1 December - Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day (totally baffled by this one... anyone?)
5 December - Ninja Day
5 December - Bathtub Party Day (those bathtubs really know how to celebrate)
15 December - Cat Herders Day
16 December - Barbie and Barney Backlash Day

And if none of those tickle your fancy, there's always 26 March - Make up your Own Holiday Day.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anna_Clare

(As told to Brian Hill by a Cocker Spaniel from Phoenix named Patches.) At our house, we watch a lot of sports on TV. When I was a puppy, I thought this was a big waste of a nice sunny day. After all, it meant less time available for playing outside in the yard or going to the dog park. But as I've matured (the other day I saw my reflection in the window and was shocked to see I have gray in my muzzle), I've begun to see the wisdom of spending the afternoon on the comfy sofa watching a game. Some people think dogs can't see TV or understand what's going on. That's nonsense. The only thing we can't do is call and purchase the products we see on infomercials, but a lot of that stuff seems like junk anyway. Myself, I even figured out how to order pay-per-view using the remote.

The great thing about TV sports is the variety. If I feel like a nap, there are quiet sports like golf, where after about an hour or so, both I and my master are taking a nice snooze. Football on the other hand, is really exciting for a dog. When we have people over and it's the fourth quarter of a game and they begin concentrating on the TV screen, it's a piece cake for me to sneak around and steal their snack foods. They don't even notice the food is gone most of the time. To you canines who may be novices at this, the key is to steal foods that are soft or those that can be eaten in a couple of gulps, before anyone sees you. Avoid crunchy chips. Cheese and cold cuts make great candidates for theft. On the other paw, one time during a playoff game I was able to take a whole pizza off the table and eat it. I still remember that pizza. Pepperoni. Yum.

When their team makes a touchdown, they all jump up and yell at the screen. This is the one time I don't get scolded for running around hysterically and barking. Yep, I'd have to say football is my favorite sport. The only thing I object to is something called the "Dawg Pound" at the Cleveland Browns games. This is a section of the stadium where fat guys dress up in costumes that are rude caricatures of the nobility and grace of real dogs. I find that to be a species-insensitive stereotype.

But I love following the flight of the ball on TV, no matter what the sport. Tennis is confusing because lately so many of the players make this barking sound when the smack the ball. I've tried to decipher what the barks mean in canine language, but it seems like it's just gibberish.

I've only watched hockey once but didn't like it much. The little rock thing they smack around goes too fast to keep an eye on and I don't like ice because it reminds me of the time we went up the snow for the holidays and my paws got too cold. I much prefer a trip to a warm beach. The next best thing is watching beach volleyball. Big ball, easy for me to follow on the screen. I've even seen spectators bring their dogs to tournaments at the beach. Now that's a civilized sport.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_E._Hill

Learning how to be funny is actually not excessively difficult. You will run across a plethora of things on the internet that state that they can make you become funny and teach you the ropes in order to make you that way.

Many people say that humor is a thing of genetics. Not everyone has the right to be funny and even some people that try will never actually be considered to be funny. Being funny is not something that you learn from a course, and it is not something that you study in school.

Being funny is an attribute that you must have in order to get people to feel comfortable with you. There are a few basic steps that you can take to help you learn how to be funny, although most of them will not work if you don't put forth any effort to allow them to work correctly.

1. Gain knowledge of the perfect time.-People need to know when the mood is right to make a joke or to do something funny. If you try to be funny at the wrong time no one will like what you are saying, and you won't like the income.

2. Learn your audience. If you are talking to your family or friends, it's a good idea to find out what makes them laugh. Often times this is a simple thing to do since you are so close to them.

3. Do not repeat yourself. If someone laughs at your joke, do not repeat it again until your next encounter with the other person. People who repeat their jokes constantly turn more into a nuisance then someone that is thought to be funny.



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lewis_Stonham