Apparently, the new Cap and Trade law is causing a stink at Santa Claus LLC Toy Factory at the North Pole. Why you ask? Well, it seems that methane is a green house gas and rain deer are big polluters, and the EPA wants to fine Santa Corp [NYSE symbol CHRS). The corporation has purchased the new approved EPA rain deer rear-end cover and recover devises, but they keep falling off of the rain deer in flight, and the FAA is very concerned about these incidents.

Once the covers come off the methane escapes into the atmosphere. Santa Corp claims that the "Methane emissions from rain deer are down by 50% and that's a green house gas savings of 112 flight miles per animal per square meter of methane produced." The company also complained that it cannot trade carbon credits because rain deer produce methane, not CO2, but Santa Claus LLC is still responsible for the green-house emissions.

Santa recently argued; "I am not sure why I didn't get a Nobel Peace Prize for keeping the peace in families around the world for nearly 9-decades. Al Gore promised us Global Warming, but the North Pole is colder than ever. Now I may have to close the company, and if so, I am going to have to move to Florida where it is warm, I am freezing my rear end off here, and I don't want to let anymore methane out!"



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lance_Winslow

A radicalized Polar Bear was reported terrorizing Santa Claus' factory at the North Pole, and apparently there are lots of them terrorizing the North Pole Santa Claus LLC Head Quarters, and this was hardly the first time. You see, they were promised warmer weather by the Global Warming Alarmists, and so they've been having more offspring, now there are too many Polar Bears in the region and they are running out of seals to eat, so, they are looking for some more tasty morsels; Elves.

Although, Santa's elves are only bite size and really only good for one Polar Bear lunch, they seem to be quite tasty. Unfortunately, it has been causing huge delays at the factory making toys, because all the elves are stressed out and filing for workers compensation. Meanwhile a production Six Sigma Specialist has calculated that even with the most efficient refinements in the Finite Capacity Scheduling Modeling, there is no way they can maintain the needed quality and keep up the quantity needed to fulfill all the orders for this year's Christmas.

Now the Polar Bears are really angry with no more food supply, and they've been breaking into the warehouses at night, stealing the toys, and trading them to the Eskimos at the local village for fresh Sushi. This has caused even a bigger crisis and the loss-prevention specialist just cannot secure the area from these giant white terrorist bears. Worse, the bears are now suing because they are saying that Santa Claus LLC executives are racists against White Polar Bears and Species'ists too.

They are demanding a huge settlement, and so, "the company had to file bankruptcy because it can no longer make a profit with all the terrorist attacks, lawsuits, union challenges, and workman's compensation insurance increased premium costs," said the corporation's head counsel and attorney.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lance_Winslow

You have to give credit for those rare moments when some incredibly funny people and situations cross through your life. Achmed the dead terrorist (By Jeff Dunham) is literally one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. I must have viewed every one of his videos on the net.

Achmed the death terrorist is cited as being one of the funniest things to hit 2008, 2009 and beyond. He is a hilarious puppet (made personally by his owner Jeff) who appears as the skeletal remains of a very poorly executed suicide bomb.

The funniest thing is that Achmed the terrorist really doesn't know that he is dead!

As part of the comedy routine, Achmed will firstly grace you with a fixed stare, his large eyes piercing yours, shouting out "Silence! I Kill you" if you utter any noise(or shrieks of laughter!), and has various other catchphrases and songs.

An Achmed the dead terrorist Christmas special was made including a Christmas song called jingle bombs.

Amongst the group of comedy puppets from Jeff you can also come across characters such as Walter, Sweet Daddy Dee, Bubba J, Melvin the Superhero guy and Jose the Jalapeno Pepper.

Now, listen, please note that Achmed the dead terrorist hasn't come without controversy. Oh no!

Normally all of Jeff's puppets have been warmly welcome around the globe but Achmed has been caught red handed with some catchphrases that got him banned by the South African Advertising Authority because of certain religious comments. This is a sad reflection on the world, when a bit of comedy goes too far - funny in the majority, but offensive to a few.

Anyway, if you like the sound of this funny character by Jeff Dunham, then Achmed the dead terrorist is back! The next time you are in need of a comedy fix then look towards Achmed the terrorist suicide bomber puppet. It will ensure your next few moments are well and truly brightened up!

Because of his new found fame there have been a whole host of aftermarket things you can pick up on from an Achmed the dead terrorist mp3 (several of them in fact), an Achmed ringtone, and plenty of variations of an Achmed the dead terrorist wallpaper. There was even an Achmed the dead terrorist Christmas special - talk about popular!



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shaun_Baird

Oh no! The world is coming to an end, the sky is falling, we wont live much longer because of global warming, we will lose our houses in this foreclosure mess, our banks are going bankrupt, our car makers can't produce a profit, we wont have health care, and now there will be no Eggo's for Christmas. Because of a flood and a scheduled closing of the Eggo factory, Kellogg's says there is going to be a shortage of the breakfast treat, Eggo's.

I can just see it now, people will be running out to the store like there is a major winter storm on the way. They wont be just buying bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper, they will be searching the cold case for Eggo's. There will be anarchy in the isles. Gramma's will be holding off soccer moms with their canes. "leg go my Eggo or I will cane you". People will be rolling around on the floor like a scene from the WWF. Watch out Hulk Hogan and Rick Flair!!!

People will become instant millionaires buy selling their boxes of Eggo's on E-Bay. Will your most cherished Christmas gift be a box of Eggo's? What will we do? We will have to eat turkey for Thanksgiving. Oh! The horror of it all. There will be no Eggo's to decorate the Christmas tree with. What will Santa put in his sack? What will the reindeer eat? Children will have to dream of sugar plums on Christmas Eve instead of Eggo's.

Maybe, Just maybe. We can go out to the grocery store, buy a box of Bisquick, come home, gather the family in the kitchen, make pancakes together, sit down at the dining room table, pour the maple syrup, and enjoy some time together for the holidays. Yes, Virginia, there is life without Eggo's.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jonathan_F_Cook