I am tired of filling the ice cube trays.

Every tray I examine has just two ice cubes remaining. It is as if the perpetrator of this outrage, and she knows who she is, decides that as long there are two cubes left, it would be wasteful to fill the tray. One cube, apparently, can be sacrificed.

Consequently, every time I wish to put ice in my beverage I am limited to two cubes, unless I want to fill two ice cube trays. I must then walk all the way across the kitchen and refill the tray or trays slopping water along the way that I will step in later in my stocking feet.

I blame my wife, Kathie, for this because I know I have to fill at least one tray each and every time I have a drink. She of course blames me. I know I am right because I cannot recall ever having personally witnessed her filling a tray. In fairness, I may be doing her an injustice. Maybe it's like one of those math puzzles where you add, subtract and divide a series of numbers and always end up with your birthday. Maybe no matter how many ice cubes you take or make, there will always be two cubes remaining.

I used to blame out daughter but she moved to Boston several years ago. However, I still pin the rap on her when she comes home for a visit, and am still told that I need to get a life.

Now I am sure none of you can relate to this, because Kathie tells me we are the only people left in the world who do not have a fridge that makes ice. I, however, recall seeing a special on National Geographic about a tribe in the deepest jungles of Brazil that has to fill their ice cube trays from the Amazon River. It was noted as an example of the simple but difficult lives they lead.

I envy people who have icemakers, who can just push their glass against a lever and fill it to the brim with refreshing frozen water; or who can open the door to the freezer and SCOOP an endless supply of frosty nuggets.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have a machine that just makes ice..that's all it does!
They have a scoop that's as big as a boat bailer and can cool down a drink or a swimming pool in a flash.

They say it's great for entertaining. When we entertain we have to go to the supermarket and buy a bag of ice cubes which, when put in the freezer, promptly turns into a solid frozen mass that we have to loosen by dropping on the kitchen floor. It's very entertaining for our guests. I guess I could get an ice pick. I don't know if they still make these but suppose they do since I saw one on the Sopranos. They didn't use it for ice though.

Why don't we get a new fridge? Well, I am told that the machine, plus the cost of getting water pipes to where it resides, would cost more than a new BMW.

Excuse me. I have to go fill the ice cube trays.

Katie is my wife. I married her with in a week, fell in love and now I am her husband. These seven days are full of events of meaningful consequences, are they really?

Day 1, I was fired by my boss and was feeling heart broken, naturally. There was a logical, psychological and real need for someone whom I could share this pathos. A single male, living alone, average looking with empty pockets fascinates 0.0001 % single women even with much worst financial or physical position. It was a mystery then, it is a mystery now, but that's how the world works. At 3:00 pm I sat on a bench near a busy shopping mall, doing nothing and thinking nothing and feeling nothing. There I heard some women screaming, she was in her late 20's with looks of a hooker, cold red lipstick, obnoxious hair style, long legs and short temper as she was yelling over someone who passed a comment while passing by her. Tired of standing there, she came towards me, sitting next to me. "a day-time hooker " the first thing that crossed my mind. She obviously couldn't read my thoughts but passed a smile as our eyes met. I never saw such horrible and scary stretching of lips. She started the conversation:

"Do you Mind 100 $?"

"Yeah, I do "I bitterly replied.

With the cutest looks she could give, with the maximum effort to look loving she could do, she asked

"Why not?"

"Because I do not have them "

"Oh "she sighed and turned her face round.

On day 2, we met there again had the same conversation with the same result.

Day 3, she lowered the money to 75 $.

Day 4, now she demanded just 50 $.

Day 5, tired of refusing her again and again I warned her not to talk, she quickly reduced the sum to 25 $.

Day 6, she demanded 1 $ or she will die. She told me how much she needed me I had decided not to visit that place again and was there for the last time, could not resist and told her my problems and tears were all over my face. She was unable to control herself too and shared her problems.
Day 7, she discarded the money demand and asked me to get married. She told me she is in love.

The same day, I got married to Katie, her cousin, who had insurance of worth 100 thousand dollars and Katie's cousin, that girl I had been meeting for seven days married my cousin, johnny, a pimp. We are happy , very happy in fact. Life is such a blessing and marriage such benefit.

Arrgghhh, it's that dreaded time again...

HALF TERM!

If I have to listen to Poooower Raaaangers SPD, Pooooower Raaangers to the rescue, break up Triple H and The Undertaker wrestling on my floor or tend to WWE/Raw carpet burns one more time, I'm gonna perform a couple of double choke slams of my own!

As you can tell, I'm not in the best of moods. It's not all the kids' fault though. Some of it is self-inflicted...

To Spam or not to Spam

I decided that 2008 was the year where I was going to sever the umbilical cord between me and my 'puter a little. I was going to overcome my aversion to sunlight and get myself a bit fit!

Enter one very expensive and posh gym/club/fitness centre (whatever they are called). I met up with my 'trainer' last week and he set me a program. "Cool", I thought "this'll be a piece of cake - I'll be looking like Catherine Zeta Jones in no time!"

One week later and I'm living in fear of the snippy little Nicole Kidman-like receptionist stepping out from behind the sleek, black marble reception desk and saying "Mrs. Brett, would you be kind enough to leave by the back entrance in future, please, only you're giving the club a bad name".

Why? Well, I stagger out of that place like a drunken bag lady. I feel sick, dizzy, my legs can barely hold me up, let alone walk in a straight line...

Does anyone know how long it takes before all those 'feel good' hormones kick in and you become addicted to walking on treadmills, waving your arms and legs in different directions on cross trainers and giving yourself a hernia on rowing machines? Please tell me it's soon... When I get into my car to drive home, I have to sit there for at least 10 minutes before I can pluck up the courage to fire up the ignition.

To top it all, I'd just staggered through the door the other day when the phone started ringing. A sickeningly cheerful voice at the other end chirruped "Hello Mrs. Brett, it's Rhonda from the blah blah Health & Racquets Club".

"What have I done?" I cried, guiltily, "Have I broken something?".

"Oh no, Mrs. Brett, we've not had any complaints about you yet", (tinkling laugh) (what does she mean, YET, cheeky mare?) "I just wanted to let you know that we have some free guest passes for you"

"Wow, that's great, thank you - it's half term next week and I can bring my kids swimming" I said, "how do I get them?"

"Well, actually, Mrs. Brett, we were thinking more of your friends. We're offering you some fantastic gifts if they should join and if you can let us have their names, addresses and phone numbers, we'll give them a ring and invite them to come along"

OK, so here I have to decide whether I give all my friends' details to Rhonda, so I can get a free juicer, some free electronic scales and a free digital camera or whether I tell her that this is daylight spam and tell her to take a running jump!

Hmmmm, I didn't fancy any of the prizes, so I told her to take a running jump. Now if it was a new dishwasher (mine conked out finally yesterday), then I might have been tempted...

I'm sure they've got my card marked now, though, and when I have my next assessment with my trainer on the 22nd he'll be planning something evil for me because I'm not turning out to be a model Member!

They'll just have to put up with me because I'm absolutely determined that I'm not going to be one of those people that signs up to the gym, goes for a month and then gives up - I'm gonna get my money's worth if it kills me - and it probably will!!

Ooops, that's the doorbell - my new dishwasher has arrived - and he's gorgeous!

Are you having hard time getting a smile on your worried face in this busy life? Just relax and watch a funny videos online. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. This proverb is an old one. The latest version is as follows; keep smiling and keep the doctor away. The smile is cheaper than the apple. In olden times comedy plays made people laugh. Later on comedy films took their place. Now the short funny videos are in. The joy you were searching around the world was within you always. What could be the reason of the fact that Tom and Jerry, the famous cartoon is popular among all age groups? It makes people happy. There was once the ice age, then Stone Age.

This is the internet age and in this age it is easy to find various funny videos on the net. The various search engines makes your task much easier. When was the last time you watched a kid fall while learning to walk? when did you saw your pet dog reading the newspaper in the toilet? Even the thought of these makes you smile for a moment. Such is the magic of these funny videos. They make you laugh at any time of the day. Many types of videos contribute in spreading joy.

Funny videos are available featuring various pets, birds, and golden moments of some football or basketball matches. Whether it is a fight between two players of opposite teams or a misunderstanding between the referee and player funny videos makes you laugh until your last breath. These videos deliver instant relief from distress due to their short length. If you get bored reading this article get up and find some funny videos to get some refreshment.

After the beginning of the use of bumper stickers, they have now really become fashionable and are admired by the large masses. They have become a popular means of people's sense of humor. Some of the funny bumper stickers have turn into classics and happen to be icons for long time. The fame and status of these bumper stickers is continuously increasing because they are nowadays used for other special purpose such as:

1) Campaign materials

2) To place political statements at the members of the politics.

Lots of producers of bumper stickers have developed techniques for people to have their personal bumper stickers. You can find such producers and deal with them on the internet.

Most of the companies that put forward to you personal bumper stickers give you full opportunity to make your own bumper stickers as you wish them to draw. You have to follow a sequence of steps to deal with these situations-

1) The first step is for you to choose a pattern from the given patterns which are available to you based on the various type and sizes of the bumper stickers. You can even opt to modify a pattern according to your wish.

2)After you have choose the design and decided the size of your bumper sticker, the next step is to modify your design in accordance with the design available to you or you can even make use of your own design and pictures.

3) After you have completed with the steps given above, you are ready to write your wordings in the color and typescript of your choice. As the full process is user friendly you can even modify your wordings that you have written.

4) The fourth and the final step one for you to take the final view of the bumper sticker that you have made. Now if you still want to do some changes in your design or text, you can do it easily. Once you have finalized your bumper sticker you are ready to make your order.

Bumper stickers developed by you and to order them through internet are very easy process. There are only four steps involved and too are easy to tackle. The most prominent aspect of these processes is that you can easily make your bumper stickers and that too are personal. As the creation of these bumper stickers is very simple it is for sure that the fame and admiration of these stickers will continue to increase in the future.

Bumper stickers are a way of presenting your ideas on living, politics, games, sacred aspects and many other fields. If you want people to tell them that you support your college, your sports team, or any member involved in politics, bumper stickers are the useful means to handle these situations.

Bumper stickers can be hilarious, stupid, silly, sharp, quick or really brainless. They can make you smile when you read it or can even make the person who reads it angry. By telling your ideas and views through the bumper stickers you thoughts on your bumper, you can develop your identity in the world.

Well, it happened again, this time to my Cousin Nester who called us all up this morning to say that Jesus had appeared on the side of his garage - not in the flesh, or even in the vapor, but in a distorted image on wood apparently made from rust, sap, and an unidentifiable white substance most likely blamed on birds and the adjacent cherry tree. Nester didn't believe in Jesus but was willing to bet his lottery ticket that this was in fact the Holy of Holies who had taken residence above his trash cans, staring down with a look of disdain at the collection of assorted hubcaps and the discarded recliner bearing the imprint of Nester's butt.

Nester took this sighting to mean two things: the recliner should stay, and here was the new business opportunity he'd been waiting for. And with more ambition than he had shown in his combined forty-five years, he notified the press, alerted the neighbors, slapped up a sign that said "$10 to see Jesus," set up an EBay account, and put his son Dudley to work scraping pieces of wood off the side of the garage to sell to the highest bidders.

So if you walked past Nester's house this morning, that's why you saw all the cameras and the large gathering of curious faces cocked to the side in rapt attention, intent on getting their full ten dollar's worth. It was the first time Jesus had been sighted in their town (outside the stained-glass and shrink-wrapped variety and excluding the time Granny Jean mixed up her medications) so it was not something to be taken lightly. People gave it the piety deserving of a savior, no matter where they fell on the scale of belief, for even the most critical unbeliever figured it prudent to be respectful, just in case. They were all eager to speak about the miracle to the TV cameras shoved in their faces, happy to be asked about something other than a tornado or beauty pageant queen gone bad.

It was Vyrnetta who first brought into question the authenticity of this spiritual sighting, pointing out that she saw in a magazine that he was just spotted yesterday in a grilled cheese sandwich in Idaho and this magazine should know, being as they were the first to show pictures of J'Lo's babies. And Booker Diggs made a very good argument that while the image could be perceived as Jesus, it bore a more striking resemblance to Sonny Bono. And how come whenever images appeared like this, people immediately assumed it was Jesus? And if Jesus was coming back, why would he pick the side of the garage? Why would he pick that town for that matter? Good grief, they didn't even have a McDonald's. To which Mildred Jenkins pointed out that the first time he came it was as a carpenter born in a stable and nobody argued with Mildred who'd been teaching Sunday school since she was five.

Pastor Fern came over and dramatically announced that it couldn't be the real thing because sightings of this nature only appeared to those who attended church, Sunday school, and served on at least two committees. He was followed by Father Jim the Priest, who wasn't really a priest, but had started out to be one before he got a calling to go into country music, and he said that it couldn't be considered real until somebody sprinkled some holy water on it. Bitsy offered up some of the special tonic she carried in her purse that despite her protests smelled an awful lot like moonshine.

She said it was to help calm her nerves and that should count as holy because nothing could work a miracle like that stuff. Ernestine claimed that was downright blasphemy and didn't it just figure, coming from a Presbyterian. This resulted in a verbal assault on the Baptists, which resulted in a hit on two Methodists, four Mormons, and one suspected heathen, which opened the door for the other denominations present until no one was left unscathed. Bucky said this was a sure sign that they were all going to hell and he started confessing a list of sins that, while entertaining, were probably better left private. The Tucker twins were singing and throwing their hands up in the air hoping to signal up a revival when things turned from the verbal to the physical as Buster punched Nester and both of them fell back against the garage.

And in one fell swoop the Jesus image was gone - smeared like a child's finger painting which now looked more like Courtney Love. They all froze, pondering the ramifications of having erased Jesus. This couldn't be good. If his appearance was a sign - imagine what erasing him could mean. And they found themselves standing in a moment equivalent to that of a frat party when the keg's run dry.

And so they went their separate ways, some giving this Jesus thing a little more thought and others quickly distracted by the yard sale two doors down. It was Mildred Jenkins who stood there a little longer than everyone else, staring at the side of the garage and shaking her head at the mystery - not the mystery of a face made out of rust - but the mystery that so many would go to such great lengths to find him, when he's been right here all along.

Funny videos have become a hot and happening stuff among web surfers these days. Video sharing sites like You Tube, Big Think, Daily Motion or Google Videos are the central hubs for enthusiasts who desire real-life entertainment. These video sharing sites are earning huge popularity, especially amongst the younger age group. Creating these funny videos is not an easy task. This involves a lot of creativity to tickle the funny bone of the spectators.

Some of the key elements that go into the making of a successful funny video include:

a) Subject matter

b) Target audience

c) Planning and innovation

d) Attention to detail

Subject matter or plot is highly important to decide the success or failure of any form of art. Similarly, funny videos too demand a good plot to build upon the humor. A trifle plot can also evoke humor, but of the slapstick kind. A good plot with the support of solid humor not only serves the tastes of the common man but also of the intellectuals.

Another essential element to be kept in mind is the target audience of your funny videos. Creating a funny video that would cater to the tastes of every segment is almost next to impossible. Hence one should select the target audience prior to initiate shooting of the video. Audience under teens will certainly love silly and slapstick humor while the middle-aged section will prefer shrewd or intellectual humor.

Any work of art demands innovation to arouse the interests of the spectators. People do not enjoy watching similar stuffs again and again. A one-time super hit subject fails register popularity, if used in another video after a point of time. Hence variations are highly important to tie down the audience to their seats. Funny video creation also demands thoughtful planning. A funny video can either be an animation or a live action. Hence the subject matter of the video should match with the type of the video being produced.

Complete attention to every detail of the video is desired to make it a successful item across the online world. The script, actors, set, duration- all go into the making of popular funny videos or even funny commercials; just cook up these ingredients to serve a fun-filled funny video. Once your video starts being appreciated by a certain online group, it will certainly to be carried across the online world via viral effect.

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side? And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back You ARE on the other side!

Computer users are divided into three types:

Novice, Intermediate and Expert.

Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.

Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.

There was a lady and she had 3 children and one day 1 went up 2 her and said mummy why is my name rose, the lady answers 'because i dropped a rose petal on u when u were born the next child says 'why am i called daisy , the lady answers because i dropped a daisy on u when u were born , her next child says 'asjkct7buitof75hj' the lady says shut up fridge.

1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4 "Amen"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10 "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

A bus stop and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma comes first. I come. Dennis comes and Dennis comes again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.

The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend."

The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a converatable and a private jet for his friend."

The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful". In fact, I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact. I guess he must be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertable."