Inflation Expectations and Deflation Invocations

While Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, is worried about Inflation Expectations, I am just as intrigued by Deflation Invocations.

Recently a prominent TV news channel featured a church group that congregated near a gas station and prayed for cheaper gas. My first reaction was amusement but then I realized that this represented a historic first. Till now the faithful had always asked for miracles or a handout from God but this time they did not pray for a freebie. Instead, these people were being very reasonable; all they wanted was a "good ole American Discount". However they were somewhat vague, they did not specify how much discount they wanted, 10%, 20% or a clearance type sale with 75% off.

In any case, their prayers for a discount went unanswered or should we say were "discounted" by the Supreme Being. The prices for oil and gasoline continued to march higher. Perhaps they had asked for an Early Bird Discount but went too late. They certainly could not qualify for a Senior Citizen Discount as there were old as well as young people in the group. However I noticed that they had not brought their cars to the gas station and attribute their failure to a lack of conviction.

A few years ago, in a small Southern town suffering from a severe drought, the citizens had gathered at the local church to pray for rain. The Pastor rose up and with a stern look admonished his flock, "Ladies and Gentlemen, you have come here to pray for rain. There is only one question I have to ask you. Where is your umbrellas?" It seems the Church group praying for cheap gasoline had the same lack of conviction; they all walked to the gas station instead of bringing their cars for a cheap fill up.

There could be another and more ominous reason for their lack of success. The Sultans of the Middle East may have been "counter-praying" for more expensive oil, which would create a dilemma for the Supreme. Their worshippers may be praying longer hours than us, after all, there is not much else you can do in the middle of the desert. If more of our countrymen join in praying for cheaper energy, we might meet with some success. However, we should then be prepared for a military attack from the Arab countries on the pretext that we were using WMD's (Weapons of Mass Deflation).

However, Gasoline is not the only commodity exhibiting inflation. Most meats, vegetables, bread and milk have nearly doubled in price in just the last 3 years. We could safely pray for a discount in these commodities, unlike oil, without risking a world war. However, we need to first resolve some issues. Firstly, where should we go to pray? For cheaper gas people went to the gas station; by the same token we should go to the dairy for cheaper milk, to the slaughterhouse for cheaper meat and to the farms for cheaper vegetables. Going to all these places would take up a lot of our time, to say nothing of gasoline use. Would it not be just as effective if we prayed at the local Supermarket instead? Secondly, do we need to wear formal suits or can we pray in our jeans and casuals? Resolving these issues calls for a Federally Subsidized Study, to be conducted by the best minds from Ivy League schools or by some highly paid D.C. consultants.

Ultimately, if we all pray hard enough, the prices for all essential foods and energy might actually come down. We can then again afford to eat as much as we want and drive as much as we desire. With prosperity and abundance, our lives will presumably be full of health and happiness, but is that a correct assumption?

In the last five years, since cell phones and service became affordable, folks have become addicted to them, using them even while driving or walking on the roads. As a result, many motorists are not mindful of pedestrians. Worse, and more dangerous, many pedestrians are not mindful of the traffic around them.

Just recently, the roads have become less congested. If gasoline became very affordable, traffic jams would once again become the norm and parking would become more difficult at the malls. The roads would once again be populated with several SUV's and Hummers driven (in many cases) by inconsiderate drivers. Motorists would be driving longer distances and creating more pollution.

Very cheap food might create its own problems. Obesity and associated diseases like heart attacks and diabetes would certainly increase. As the bottom line in food bills became smaller, the consumer's bottom measurement would increase. This has been observed in emerging Asian countries, where the recent economic boom (now abating) led to a rapid increase in obesity, diabetes and heart problems, to say nothing of alcoholism, drug abuse and lax moral behavior.

It seems that some deprivation imposes a healthy, albeit involuntary and Spartan discipline on the citizenry. In that sense, a touch of inflation may not be so bad after all. Abundance and prosperity are really opportunities to improve our lives OR to ruin them, witness all the troubled celebrities that end up with shattered lives, suicides or in rehab. It may be fine to pray for deflation, but let us also pray for the discrimination and self control which are essential for responsible handling of the wished for prosperity.

It also hosts many major US trade shows and is often referred to as the business capital of the country. A large number of people visit the city every year for various purposes. However, they all love to spend an evening filled with fun and laughter after a tiring day working or sightseeing.

New York is among the most spectacular cities in the world. Every year, it welcomes large number of tourists from all over the world. New York is the most important center of commerce and trade in the world. It has amazing restaurants, bars, lounges and clubs. There is something for every genre, be it the sports clubs, romantic restaurants, concert halls, theatres and comedy clubs. People visit New York for various purposes, but all like spending an evening filled with excitement, fun and laughter. Comedy is a discourse meant to amuse people especially in films, televisions and standup comedy. Comedy is a genre which is popular throughout the world. Many movies, television series and plays are being made which explores this genre.

There are various comedy clubs throughout New York that have the status of excellence and provides the best of entertainment to its audiences. Some of the best comedians in the world perform at these comedy clubs. The comedy clubs in New York City is also the training ground for the budding comedians of the future. It is a great place to forget all your worries and spend the time filled with excitement and laughter. Just go there and enjoy.

The comedy clubs in New York differ in sizes, from small to well illuminated and highly decorated big clubs. A comedy club is typically a venue where people can watch the performances of stand-up comedians, magicians, improvisational comedians, ventriloquists, impersonators and other comedy performances. The phrase comedy club refers to place which features standup comedy, in comparison to improv theatres which are places that host sketch comedy or improv and musical acts at the variety clubs.

Some of most popular comedy clubs in New York include: Caroline's Comedy Club, Ha Comedy Club, Comedy Cellar, Comic Strip Inc, Comix, Laugh Lounge NYC, Broadway Comedy Club, New York Comedy Club and Laugh Factory @ Times Square.

Caroline's Comedy Club: located in Times Square, New York City, Caroline is a site for stand up comedy. It is among the most established, well known, recognized and famous stand up comedy clubs in USA. Some of the best comedians in the United States like Gilbert Gottfried, Paul Reubens, Jerry Seinfeld, Andrew Dice Clay, Andy Borowitz, Jay Leno, Joy Behar and Michael Richards have performed at Caroline's Comedy Club.

HA Comedy Club: HA was started in 2001 after Sweet Caroline's changed from nightclubs to the all comedy format. This one story space has 2 rooms, one with the seating capacity of 100 while at other it is 200. The setting is perfect for a comedy club with dark room, brick walls and small stages. The 2 item least lets the audiences choose from beer, soda, mixed drinks and martinis.

Okay, I admit it. I was hooked. I was addicted. I couldn't help myself. I'd see one and it's as if an uncontrollable urge took my steering wheel and steered me into it. I'm talking about, of course, yard sales.

It all started so innocently, just a few years ago. I was a successful bank auditor for a national chain of savings and loan associations. (Right there, you could see I was heading for the down slide.) Married. Two kids. Beautiful home in the upper echelon neighborhood. It was Friday. The end of a particularly difficult week. I was on my way home in the "Beemer" when a neon colored sign, attached to a telephone pole, caught my eye. On the next corner, there was another one. On this one, I could almost make out what the Magic Marker scribble said on it. In large bold letters it read, "Yard Sale." Having invested in several pieces of real estate, I decided to check this out.

When I arrived at the address written on this slip-shod excuse for a sign, I couldn't believe my eyes. Instantly, I thought to myself, "No wonder this poor soul can't sell his property. He's got junk strewn all over the yard." Then I noticed a group of people looking down at all this junk, picking some of it up and inspecting it as if it contained the meaning to life. The way these people were looking down at the ground I could only assume that someone had lost their contact lens. So, I joined in.

I asked this nappy looking gentleman, dressed in an old flannel shirt and jeans rolled up three times at the cuff, what the attraction for this particular piece of property was. That's when he informed me that the property wasn't for sale, but all these used, sometimes dirty, but always unattractive belongings were. "You have got to be kidding," I chortled.

As I was leaving, shaking my head in disbelief at these poor, unfortunate wretches, feeling sorry that they didn't have anything better to do with their afternoons or money, something caught my attention. Something that tossed that particularly difficult week I just had to the back of my mind. Something that flashed me back to a more innocent time in my life. A time when my most absorbing decision was what game to play after lunch.

It was a cookie jar. A cookie jar that, by today's standards, would be stereotypical and controversial. It was a cookie jar that was in the shape of a heavy set black maid wearing a kerchief on her head and ankle length petticoats. An image not unlike that of Mammy in the movie "Gone With The Wind." An image that reminded me of a wonderful time in my life when all it took was a lift of Mammy's head and, inside her body, find a delicious surprise that my mother always kept filled.

I had to have it. The masking tape price tag on it said, "Five dollars." I quickly pulled out my wallet and handed the woman holding the sale the exact amount. My nappy looking friend told me as I was exiting that paying full price at a yard sale was the sure sign of an amateur. He told me that bargaining for an item was as standard practice at a yard sale as wearing an old flannel shirt and rolled up jeans.

The next day, Saturday, I was spending quality time with the wife and kids, by taking them rollerblading in the park.

On my way home, I couldn't believe the number of neon colored signs posted on everything from telephone poles to street signs. I just knew there were memories of my childhood at each and every one of them. But if I was going to rebuild my youth, I was going to need a plan. So, every Friday I would pick up the newspaper and find the section that listed the yard sales in my neighborhood. I would circle the ones I wanted to go to and number each one in the order of the farthest to the closest. I kept finding things that reminded me of my youth; little green army men, 45 RPM records and a first edition Jeopardy box game.

My fascination became an obsession. I couldn't wait until the weekend and my weekly scavenger hunt. I traded my "Beemer" in for a van, because my treasures began getting bigger.

Then, one day, "Nappy" told me something my ears couldn't believe. He asked me if I had ever been to a flea market. I had heard of them but always thought they were very tiny King Kullens.

In no time I was attending every yard sale, garage sale, flea market and Chinese auction within a hundred mile radius.

Eventually, my wife divorced me.

I hit rock bottom when I was picked up for vagrancy. In all truthfulness, I was merely camping out on the lawn of a yard sale the night before it took place. Rumor had it that these people were selling a classic G.E. washer with electric wringer.

As I spent the night in jail with a drunk who reeked of stale beer and a teenager who bludgeoned his parents with three feet of number two garden hose, I realized I needed some help.

The judge looked at me dressed in my flannel shirt and jeans rolled up three times at the cuff and sentenced me to one year at "The Home for the Chronic Bargain Hunters" in Wilma, Iowa, where the people of Wilma have never even heard the words yard sale or garage sale.

I am proud to say that I am nearly recovered. I can tell. The home set up a mock yard sale last weekend to test our discipline. We drove by and stopped in a company bus to see who couldn't resist the temptation of getting off and clamoring through these apparently false reproductions of genuine yard sale trinkets.

We all passed, except for Oliver "Ollie" Parker, who leaped from the bus, dressed in his double knit suit and paid full price for a fifteenth edition of Jeopardy. I just smiled and chuckled to myself, "Amateur."

As a child, I dreamed of becoming a traveling salesman. Every April, my mom and dad did their taxes. My grandma took my brother and me down to Marriot's (Great America) for a few days to get out of 1040's way. My brother loved the log ride and the bumper cars; I loved the Ramada Inn where we stayed.

I told my grandma, "I love motels. They are so much more fun than home. I want to be a traveling salesman when I grow up."

"Don't you want to be a doctor or lawyer?"

"No. I like eating breakfast at Denny's. It is fun having the waitress ask me how big I am. I like having the truckers ask me how long it's gonna be until I get big enough to handle a big rig."

"That's not what being a traveling salesman is about," my grandma said. It is about being away from your family and being alone on the road."

"Do I get to stay in motels like this one?" I asked.

"Well, yes, I suppose," she said. "But why would you want to do that."

"I like the way Denny's and motels smell." I said.

"That is an awful thing to say for a boy your age."

"I just like motels," I said. "I just like the way they smell."

"Well, if that makes you happy. Just you don't smoke."

"I promise I won't. I just like Denny's and motels. Maybe I'll become a football player."

"I guess you could do that," she said.

I have a theory. It's unsubstantiated, but what theory isn't? It has to do with animals - cats, dogs and birds - your garden variety house pet. Although it's become more apparent those animals of the wild kingdom variety fall into this spectrum also.

Okay. Are you ready? I have concluded that animals are the product of reincarnation.

Let's face it. How many times have we looked at a cat or dog lounging in the sun, just as relaxed as can be, and said to ourselves, "Now that's the life. I wish I was sleeping in a nice, warm spot, instead of mowing this grass as the sweat pours into my eyes and blind me to the point that I run the mower over the daffodils it took me three years to finally get to bloom?" Who's to say this wasn't heard by some higher authority and was granted to that person at the time of their demise?

Dogs, I believe, were at one time, native language speaking individuals, because of the way they understand what you're saying to them. You call them, they come. You tell them to sit, they obey. Lie down, beg, stay - these commands are said to them in their native tongues and are understood.

I also feel that dogs know they are reincarnated. They're always running and wagging their tails and licking your face and happy as if they were glad to be alive again. (Even if it means they have to eat their meals from a bowl on the kitchen floor.)

Cats, on the other hand, are reincarnated from countries other than our native speaking language. They never listen to what you say or do what you ask of them. So, it's safe to conclude that cats either do not understand the language being spoken to them, or they are reincarnated teenagers.

Birds are tricky. Some can speak the native tongue, others prefer to gaze at themselves constantly in their little bird mirrors. So, we can assume that birds are either bilingual, or they have been reincarnated after working as J.C. Penny catalogue models.

As I mentioned before, it's possible that some animals from outside the house pet arena can also be considered a result of being former Homosapiens.

Take, for example, the pig - an oversized, sloppy animal that enjoys wallowing in the mud and thus perpetuating low self-esteem. Easily recognizable, in the human form, as a Sumo wrestler, or game show host.

The horse, I surmise, was some sort of athlete in a prior existence; probably in track and field, during the original Roman Olympic era. That, or the way they steal my money at the track, an attorney.

Other animals that I feel were brought to us from a reincarnated state of time: The monkey - probably a politician. (They're fun to watch, but nobody takes them seriously.) The turtle - a former emergency room attendant. The bushmaster - unmistakably, at one time, a village idiot.

There are, of course, others too numerous to mention, and we probably just scratched the surface of this theoretical development. I just hope that I may have sparked some interest in what could conceivably be a breakthrough in the understanding of our little furry and feathered friends.

So, keep in mind, the next time you punish that "pooch" of yours. That very well could have been your grandfather's Uncle Leo you caught drinking out of the toilet.

I searched deep through the 'investment closet' for the most unusual stock symbols. Finding some really hilarious ones, I decided to share them with you... hopefully igniting some giggles along the way! There's no doubt these companies were shocked when they received their symbol from the exchange. I encourage you to click through to find out what the company really does (some of them you will recognize). If there is no link provided, the company either failed in the past couple years or had their ticker symbol changed (can you blame them?).

While reading these... Try to think of any symbols or companies with funny names that you may know of and share them in the comments section!

AFL.BO Invest in your favorite football locker room
BYO.AX Sounds like a logger party
CHIC The trendy stock
CRZY A highly volatile stock
CTCO.NS City thugs want your money!
GEEK Gotta have something to counter the CHIC stock
DABU.NS Forget Saturday Night Lives "da-bulls" and "da-bears"
BNCO.NS At least they are honest about the way they run their business
EMCO.NS More cons that are up front about their identity
FUN Stock investing can be fun and games
FUSEX No explanation needed here
GASEX The anti-flatulent mutual fund
GODD Now people can invest directly for future sins
HIT Be careful... you may take a hit with this stock
HUMP Forget pump and dump stock schemes
ICSEX Much better than seeing dead people. Alternative meaning: making love in Alaska
IMAN For the gender biased investor
INSEX This fund sees a lot of movement
LESS.BO Must be an F-F (female to female) company or an anti-perspirant company
LMNE Short this one because it is sure to go bad
LUV What's love got to do with it?
MAN For the gender biased investor
ONE.TO The stock that likes to count
MORE.BO A stock that is sure to make you sweat
MRB.SN Every company needs a good BS-er, this one even named the company after him
MRFIX When your portfolio breaks, add this mutual fund
PNSEX The freaky golden shower mutual fund
RATIX Forget dog ticks, get the New York sewer variety
RATL Must be a baby toy manufacturer
SRRY Our apologies if you invested in this stock
URI The stock with multiple personalities
WMNXX Playboy's favorite money market fund
WSOb T his hot stock goes well with sushi