Working a part time job in retail has become a necessity for me. It seems being glib and trying to make people laugh on the internet is about as lucrative as being a lifeguard in the Sahara Desert. For those who have ever worked, or are currently working, a retail job, you will probably agree that after dealing with the public, you seem to gain a new perspective of human nature.

I work for a nationally known shoe store, where the consumer comes in, finds a shoe they like, finds a box with their size written on it, tries the shoes on and proceeds to the cashier to make their purchase. Here's good news for men. No matter how many times your wife has yelled at you to pick up your clothes, women, in a shoe store, are slobs. Not all of them, mind you, but far more women will leave a stack of shoes in the middle of the aisle for other people to trip over then men. And, after a three and a half year study, it appears that the smaller the foot, the bigger the mess. It's like the smaller shoe size means a smaller I.Q.

So, here are some tips, you, as the consumer, should follow when shopping in one of these establishments. First, ladies, pick up after yourself. It's not our job to clean up your mess. We're not your mommies. If this is the way your house looks, you need disaster relief.

Also, when you use those disposable peds that are available for your use, keep in mind that they are disposable. So, don't leave your nasty, smelly, peds that have been on your unwashed feet, on the floor for the sales help to pick up. Would you want to pick up a perfect stranger's used underwear? Probably not. There are garbage cans conveniently located throughout the store for you to dispose of them. Use them. And tell your kids they are not headgear. So, quit letting them stretch them over their heads, especially if your kids found them on the floor and aren't the ones you thoughtlessly discarded.

Speaking of kids, there is nothing more boring for a kid then to watch grownups try on several dozen pairs of shoes. This causes unrest and soon your little darlings are running around the store, playing trip the sales help, or some other lethally dangerous game. Here's a good idea. Leave them at home. They'll appreciate your trusting them to fend for themselves and you'll be relieved that it wasn't them that knocked over that expensive display case.

Most importantly, and this goes for the men as well as the women, familiarize yourself with what time the store closes. Don't waltz in five minutes before closing and start looking to upgrade your wardrobe. If you can't get there the 12 hours the store is open, then perhaps mail order might be an option. We would like to go home and be with our families and friends. More than likely, you don't like it when someone comes in, just as you're about to dive for the exit at your job at quitting time, only to find out that something must be done before you go home. Retail workers are the same way.

In addition, we tend to get a little cranky when we've been on our feet all day. I can think of three instances, just as the store was about to close, that I may have been a little less than user friendly, because someone came up to me with the "Stupid Question of the Day."

1. During a busy boot sale, the floor was trashed with boots all over the place, out of their boxes and strewn about. A woman came up to me as we were trying to clean this disaster up and asked me, "Where would I find Italian boots?" My response: "In Italy."

2. A man, who had me watching him try on the same two pairs of shoes, for over a half hour, because he couldn't decide which pair to buy inquired, "I hope I haven't taken too much of your time. Have I?" My response: "I've had warts go away faster than you."

3. My favorite was the woman whose three kids kept pulling shoes out of boxes and bringing them to their mother who, instead of telling the kids to stop doing this, would then just stick the shoes anywhere on the shelves, asked me, "What is your return policy?" My response: "Don't."

So, in conclusion, if you've never worked in retail, perhaps you should, if only for a short time. You'll gain a new respect for these people who work hard, for small wages, and continue to smile. (I've found sticking a shoe horn in my mouth, achieves this goal.)

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carl_Megill

Those Funny Questions About Life Keep On Coming.

Ever had one of those funny questions about life? Then please read on.

When it comes to funny questions and thoughts about life, every time think I've seen them all I find one I've never seen before or come up with more of my own. The following are some of the ones I've discovered or written however, I know there's more because thats, well... life. So, if you find while reading these funny questions and thoughts about life make you smile, pass them along. All right, let's get started!

Humorous questions - Group 1 Why does Hawaiian pizza also contain Canadian Bacon? Grape Nuts cereal. No grapes - no nuts. Huh? What's the difference between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup? Do Dutch people always split the bill? If you use Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread, do you have to use Heavenly Ham?

Wacky Questions about life - Group 2 Is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale? They make bullet proof vests, why not bullet proof pants? Why are oriental rug stores always going out of business? Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

Mildly amusing Questions about life - Group 3 If it only takes one match to start a forrest fire, why on earth does it take me a whole box of matches and a can of lighter fluid to light my grill? When they ship those styrofoam peanuts, what do they pack them in? How do you know when pickles or sour cream has gone bad?

Zany Questions about life - Group 4 How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning? Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: not available in all states. What? If Donkey Kong's main character is a monkey, why isn't it called Monkey Kong? Why does the word lisp have an "s" in it?

Questions about life - Group 5 How come you never read the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"? The next time someone says, "Now I've seen everything", ask them if they've ever seen a UPS truck parked in a parking space. Has anyone ever really seen a Jolly Rancher? If you get a club soda stain, how do you remove it?

Funny Questions about life - Group 6 Has anyone (besides Donald Trump's wife) ever been fooled by a comb over? Is it really possible to change the direction of a bowling ball by waving your hands? There's senior citizens, so why aren't there junior citizens?

Funny Questions about life - Group 7 They say laughter is the best medicine - so who came up with the phrase, "I died laughing"? Why do doctors leave the room when your getting dressed? After all, they've already seen you naked. What's wrong with the United States? They only have two choices for President, but fifty for Miss America. Any reason they nail down the lid of a coffin? When butterflies get upset or nervous, what do they get in their stomachs?

Funny Questions about life - Group 8 Where do they put price stickers on non-stick pans? If it's called lipstick, why is it always coming off? When they sing, "Take me out to the ball game" they're already there. Why? Who's idea was it to make the word abbreviation so long?

Yes, these are just a few of the Funny Questions about life that try men's - and women's souls. And there's a ton more funny questions about life not listed here. Some of them come to me during the course of a day. For example, why does every shampoo bottle say, lather, rinse, repeat? I'm sorry, did I miss my head entirely the first time or do you just want to sell more shampoo? If you have or have thought up any funny questions of life yourself, feel free to send them along and thanks for wasting a few minutes of your life pondering these funny questions of life. Now get out there and do something good. Like figuring out what people in China call their good plates.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hal_Eisenberg

No matter how disinterested you appear or the excessive number of times you need to "take care of something immediately," some people just don't get the hint that they are super annoying. So just remember a few of these tips and I doubt they'll ever want to speak to you again.

1. Defend Bernie Madoff. "Everyone deserves a second chance and I think Bernie has been through enough. Let's start an office donation for his poor wife and kids."

2. Argue that dinosaurs never existed. "Aliens put dinosaur bones on Earth years ago so that we would think they existed."

3. Describe the nutritional content of everything you see them eat. If this doesn't work, you can constantly talk about how they are negatively impacting the environment.

4. Stare at their forehead during the entire conversation.

5. Sketch them while they are talking to you. Be sure to exaggerate any noticeable imperfections before handing them the picture.

6. Pass gas while they are talking and say, "I refuse to apologize for my high fiber diet."

7. Ask them for $100 every time they start talking to you.

8. Wear a superhero costume under your clothes. Say, "Can you keep a secret?" and then lift up your shirt.

9. Play the role of stenographer if you are near a keyboard. It is crucial that you DO NOT speak while using this technique. Just keep documenting their conversation until they walk away.

10. Explain why Michael Vick is innocent. "Those dogs were born to fight; it's what they love. If anything, Michael Vick should be praised for letting those dogs express themselves naturally."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Guy_Bellefonte

The smell is comparable to a dead corpse and is enough to warrant a visit from a local CSI team.

It's a combination of once living mystery meat and a disturbing growth inside a forgotten Tupperware bowl.

What is this dreaded smell?

It's the office refrigerator.

Like millions of other offices throughout the country, we have a community refrigerator which is shared by at least twenty co-workers. This wouldn't be such a bad thing if everyone pitched in and helped keep it clean.

For whatever reason, many of my co-workers leave their half-eaten lunches in the refrigerator. The forgotten lunches are left to rot like a zombie in a low budget Ed Wood horror movie. It's dreadful because you never know what you will see inside the refrigerator...or smell.

Inside our office fridge are the typical items: old bottles of salad dressings, a bag of freezer burned strawberries and an unwrapped mini UFO that used to be a veggie burger.

Out of curiosity, a co-worker and I wanted to see if the abandoned burger could fly like a UFO. We used it as a Frisbee until it broke into several pieces. Now it's really unidentifiable.

I have a few questions and concerns about refrigerator etiquette.

Why does anyone put a giant lunch container inside a refrigerator? I bring one to work but keep it at my desk. The logic behind the plastic lunch container is to temporarily keep items either cool or warm until you are ready to consume them.

If an item must stay cold, then it should be placed inside the refrigerator. It's not necessary to put the entire bag in the fridge when it only contains one item. Putting an entire lunch container in the fridge defeats the purpose of its usefulness.

I also have an issue with co-workers who keep leftover French fries or half eaten burgers from a local fast food joint. Who eats a leftover Big Mac? It's not like it can be re-heated or actually eaten. Have you ever seen a Big Mac that's been in a refrigerator overnight? It hardens and turns into a grotesque statue.

Fast food should be eaten minutes after ordering and not saved.

Finally, what's with co-workers who "borrow" other people's lunches? Some of my co-workers have questionable hygiene practices. I have seen a few of them use the restroom and then leave without washing their hands. The last thing I want is leftover food cooked in their kitchen.

People often treat the community fridge like a garbage dump. Instead of tossing things into the trash which is only inches away, they dispose of it in the fridge where it will be forgotten for all eternity.

Co-workers can be inconsiderate and disrespectful when it comes to refrigerator etiquette. Sometimes I secretly think about asking my co-workers if they keep their own refrigerators so dirty.

I won't ask though, I probably wouldn't like the answer.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=William_S_Greene

There's a new mouth to feed in the White House. The Obama's have adopted a Portuguese (something or other) by the name of "Bo." It's exciting to have a new family in the White House, but this new member could very easily be overlooked by the high profile of its other family members. To that end, I would like to issue an: "Open Letter to Bo."

Dear Bo,

Congratulations on your new position as White House Chief of Pets. In your new position, you will be placed under constant scrutiny. It will be up to you to maintain a level of professionalism and follow the White House protocol expected of all "First Pets."

It's true, you'll have a legacy to follow. The Clintons had Socks, The Bushes had Millie, the Johnsons had their beagles Him and Her, Ike had Mamie. (Incidentally, it's not known whether the Carters had a four-legged family member or not. It is rumored that Amy had a Chia Pet, which was thrown against the wall and broken into thousands of pieces, during an extremely ugly mood swing, because her little green friend refused to retrieve a stick.)

Your best bet is to follow the example of your predecessors. There is an exception here, of course, and that is Checkers, the Nixon's dog. No one is quite sure what was behind that scandal, but the White House can do without another black eye like that one.

Speaking of scandals, there will be much written about you; some true, some false, some merely speculation. Therefore, beware of headlines found on supermarket check-out lines. Headlines like: "Bo's Having Madonna's Puppies." "Obama's Pet Takes Ride in Alien Spaceship." "Bo Grows Second Head."

Don't let these headlines create unnecessary stress for you. The stories are unsubstantiated, the pictures have been doctored and their writers are elementary school dropouts.

During your tenure, you will be expected to host other guests of your species. Included on the "A" list are Morris, Benji and the current Lassie. Those on the "B" list, or, not to be invited under any circumstances are, Garfield, a troublemaker, overeater, and left-winged radical, Flipper, a chronic rug-wetter and Rin-Tin-Tin, K9 Cop, a potentially dangerous guest and known Republican.

For your benefit, Bo, here is a list of "Do's" and "Don'ts" you should keep a dog's eye out for.

Do's - (1) Be punctual. Delinquency is a true sign of poor upbringing. (Rumor has it that Millie was late for a luncheon and she ended up eating kibble in the kitchen and almost got stepped on by a meandering Vice President Quayle, who was busy eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.)

(2). Always finish your meal. Remember there are animals starving in Katmandu.

(3). Always present a neat and proper appearance, clean coat, manicured nails and no disgusting eye crust.

Don'ts - (1) Bathe in public; especially body parts you wouldn't want seen on the cover of The Globe.

(2). During interviews, never discuss, in detail, any White House business. Simply respond with a "No bow-wow." Or, "I don't wish to bow-wow on that at this time."

(3). Finally, don't push your nose into foreign dignitaries crotches when they aren't expecting it. It could be cause for an "international incident."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carl_Megill

With lives becoming stressful day by day, it is becoming imperative to relieve the tension with the aid of some humorous moments. The best way to start your day is with a bright smile on your face. It is very wisely said that "it cost nothing to smile but it can work wonders for those who receive them".

The mantra to lead a praiseworthy life is to earn honestly, work efficiently, spend intelligently, give generously and laugh uncontrollably. When you need a respite from your hectic schedule and monotonous routine, you have to find new ways to entertain yourself and this is where funny videos and TV shows can help you by providing a good dose of laughter.

There is nothing better than the entertainment shows on TV or funny videos on web to rejuvenate and refresh you with their hilarious content. Whenever you are feeling low and have no one to interact with, these online funny videos are a great way to instill a new lease of life and make your day worthwhile. These days' social networking sites have become a rage all over the world and funny videos which are uploaded on them have become hugely popular with more and more people viewing them to ward off their boredom and fight the work fatigue.

Laughter as they say is the best medicine and they are quite right in saying so as laughter activates the brain to release endorphins which help you cope up with stress and feel better. Watching funny videos and entertaining stuff online is free on some sites and on some you need to pay a meager amount as the membership fee which is nothing compared to the sense of satisfaction and contentment.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, so take time out to watch funny videos and stuffs whether online or on TV and have your day's share of laughter.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nicholas_Paul