About two or three years ago the Russians planted their flag on the North Pole. By doing so they claimed it for Russia. The Canadian government dismissed it as bogus. After all, this is the 21stcentury and you can't go around planting flags all over the place. The North Pole is Canadian because the colors of Canada are red and white and so are the colors of Santa Claus. Every Christmas, Santa leaves the North Pole to deliver toys to kids all over the world. When he is on his way, Norad scrambles their best fighter jets to plot Santa's course to let kids around the world know when he is about to arrive in their neighborhood. Usually, the first jets scrambled are those of the Canadian Air Force. It is they who make sure Santa files a proper flight plan and gets off to a good start. During the rest of the year nobody gives a hoot about Santa and the North Pole.

When the Russians planted their flag on the North Pole, Canada took note. However, because Canada is such a peaceful nation with limited resources for an armed force, the Canadian government was soliciting ideas on how to best protect our North Pole. One noteworthy submission was made which did not involve new taxes on the population in order to equip a new polar defense force but makes use of what is already available at the pole. On the North Pole we have Santa Claus, Mrs. Santa Claus, nine reindeer and an unknown number of elves. The Canadian government conducted a census of the exact number of elves on the North Pole but have not released the official results. However, a leaked document stated that the elves were virtual slaves, working long hours with no pay. All of the elves, according to the leaked documents, were quite happy making toys for the kids for less than in China. The toys they do make were safer and contained no poisonous ingredients. In fact, the elves said that they would not pack any toys made in China into Santa's sleigh next Christmas. The Canadian government, fearing retribution from China, will probably insist that the elves continue loading toys from China into Santa's sleigh. Santa and the elves are probably going to rebel and not deliver Chinese toys, no matter what the Canadian government tells them.

The leaked documents also stated that Santa was goofing off for most of the year. The reindeer also came in for considerable criticism for playing all those silly reindeer games. However, Mrs. Santa and the elves were praised for all their hard work. In addition, the leaked documents stated that Santa, if he wanted to continue residing at the North Pole, had to help with its defense. The Canadian government ordered Santa Claus to get off his fat fanny and make better use of his time. Therefore, Canada will supply and equip Santa's sleigh with the latest in rocket technology and Santa Claus will patrol the skies over the North Pole every day except on the 24th and 25th of December. He has been ordered to attack any Russian or other intruders the minute that they appear. After a few patrols, Santa Claus and the reindeer were quite enthusiastic about their new expanded role. Rudolph, in particular, was really excited when he learned that his red nose would be converted into a laser. He was quoted as saying," It sure beats playing all those silly reindeer games ". It seems it is a win-win situation and everybody is happy except those intruding on Canada's North Pole. Santa Claus will continue wearing his traditional red suit and deliver toys to the kids around the world on Christmas. The person who suggested the use of Santa Claus and the reindeer in the defense of the North Pole is to receive the Order of Canada for his novel idea.


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