First, let me assure you that I'm not going to bring this list down to the lowest common denominator with a bunch of mindless, idiotic, sexual references. If you want that kind of list, perhaps you should be reading such tripe somewhere else. Anyone can write an article that exploits sex. That's not where this article is going. As you'll read, all ten things that guys hate to hear in bed are all, pretty much, family friendly. Why, even Grandma could enjoy this list full of insightful and entertaining quotes. Providing, of course, Grandma has a sense of humor. So, without further adieu, a sensible list of 10 things guys hate to hear in bed:

1. I'm telling you, I heard a noise downstairs.

2. If you loved me, you'd get me a yogurt.

3. If I die tomorrow, how many hours would it be before you started dating?

4. If you die tomorrow, would it be okay if I had the cable guy over for dinner?

5. Please tell me we still have collision coverage.

6. When I say I'm eight days late, I don't mean on credit card payments.

7. How many days can I drive with the oil light on?

8. Billy needs new "everything."

9. How would you feel about working a third job?

10. Move your head, I can't see Lettermen.

Okay, I couldn't resist. So, shoot me.