I'm pretty sure I've been scarred for life.

Or maybe it's scared.

I seriously live in deep fear that one day, Aunt Fanny will show up at my door and demand that I pay her money ---for what, I am not sure. But these are the things nightmares are made of....

Memories of Aunt Fanny are still very vivid. I spent a lot of time around this changeling to know that it was always the unpredictable that made going to her house an adventure.

It was never the same place twice.
Furniture would be in other places, my cousins would have switched bedrooms, someone would be living in the basement, and, just in case, if in fact the cops came to the door, don't answer it! And if you DID answer the door, say NOTHING.

I was terrified of police officers for the longest time.... I thought they meant ME harm. I didn't realize they were more interested in busting up Aunt Fanny's relationship with Mary Jane and her cohorts...

But just as the scenery would change in the physical realm at my Aunt's House, so would the spiritual, olfactory and the indigestible.

Aunt Fanny had, what I refer to as, "kicks".

Religious kicks, food kicks, quirky kicks and just kicks for kicks sake.

I saw copies of The Book of Mormon, Hari Krishna, The New Testament and even The Kama Sutra lying about the house. I guess you could say that each of them had their own version of spirituality. Of course, the latter was one that required deeper inspection and maneuvering the book in various ways in order to see what exactly it was a picture of.... it seemed to be an interesting, if not awkward form of prayer.

Aunt Fanny also went into a health food diet stage and sold vitamins out of her "basement store"... Powers, pills and mix-ins abounds! It looked like her own apothecary ... and I'm sure there were some special pick-me-ups available from her lab that were not available in any store.

She went on a kick about no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors for a long while. Her children were only allowed to have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups as a treat - since apparently it was the most naturally, healthy candy on the market.

Then there was "an artichoke with every meal" kick.... (because the melted butter that it was served in MUST have been real good for the arteries too). Not to mention how Aunt Fanny's house smelled every night. (Trust me, that many green leaf vegetables being prepared... the before and after was not pleasant.)

The kick about getting the most money out of the government as possible kick is one that is still omnipresent. She not only bilks Uncle Sam out of some cash and free cheese, but she WORKS for the government... in one way or another. She's really the queen of loopholes and loopy-ness. (Like her very own version of the Loop Ness Monster!)

She spends time counseling prisoners and being a Christian missionary ... to help them work on their path back to the Lord.

If you ask me, I think she's telling them that she's got some Grade A weed at her house that will help them SEE Jesus, and when Bad Boy Bobby gets sprung from the pen, she can help him with some income if he sells a little ganja on the side from Aunt Fanny's Farm.

So far, she has a lot of people snowed.... she's been doing it for a lifetime. Most everyone believes she is a "born again" Christian... but doesn't that mean a part of you died? The only thing that has died in Aunt Fanny has been her BRAIN CELLS (from smoking marijuana - it is a medical fact, check into it if you don't believe me).

I hope the next kick involves a bucket.