I used to believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, a Just War, Righteous Politicians, Clean Non-steroidal Sports Heroes, True Love and the fact that Lemmings commit mass suicide by following each other off a cliff. So you can imagine my chagrin, my horror and my utter surprise to learn that the whole 'Lemmings metaphor' which I had heretofore always used as a reference for people who go along unquestioningly with popular opinion with potentially dangerous or fatal consequences is, yep, you guessed it folks, a myth, a fabrication, a lie of mammalian proportions.

It all started in a 1954 National Geographic article which showed massive numbers of lemmings jumping over Norwegian cliffs and then in 1955, when Disney illustrator Carl Barks drew an Uncle Scrooge adventure comic with the title: The Lemming with the Locket. This nascent suicide myth was further propagated by Walt Disney documentary White Wilderness in 1958 which includes footage of lemmings migrating and running head-long over a ledge. An investigation in 1983 by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's Brian 'the original mythbuster Vallee, showed that the Disney film makers faked the entire sequence using imported lemmings (bought on eBay I think), a snow covered turntable on which a few dozen lemmings were forced to run, and literally tossing the poor beasts into the sea to show the alleged suicides. This myth was also witnessed in a German film - The Little Polar Bear (think an evil Knute) - in which a group of despondent lemmings were frequently viewed jumping, swan diving and jack knifing off various ledges.

Now that the 'lemming myth' has been denuded I am devastated. Really. It is amazing how one domino in life invariably topples the next. And before you know it your entire world is crumbling around you. I mean, what's next? Politicians found to be taking steroids? A clean presidential election? Love and peace breaking out in Iraq? I mean, how the heck will we now communicate the notion of 'blindly following a crowd to an uncertain demise'.

I know! Not one to cry over spilt mammals milk, let's propagate another folk tale to replace the 'lemming myth'. Another more convoluted and realistic one perhaps. How about the 'Bush Fairy Tale': to describe by inference a whole nation following a sitting president into an unwise war and a mismanaged occupation which destroys the collective good will of the world while spending several trillion dollars driving the nation into recession. Or maybe the 'Clemmons Legend' or the corollary 'Bonds Fable' where good people follow the example of their sports heroes to shoot up with human growth hormone to gain that extra edge and lie about it unconscionably. Note: would recommend not lying to a grand jury as that kind of thing has a nasty way of coming back to bite you in the arse.

Well, I have yet to be stripped of all of my innocence. Thank god I still believe in True Love. The love of my life still instills incurable passion in my breast, a fire in my imagination and blows a veritable breath of vigor into my sheeted sails!