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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Asking For Driving Directions - Man's Kryptonite

Here's the deal: boys like trucks and fast cars; girls love anything pretty and pink; and men - you know it's true - simply cannot find the will within themselves to put away the over-sized map and stop to ask for driving directions. This is just the truth. There, I said it.

If, perchance, they actually find themselves making the stop to ask the taboo question (I 'dunno, crazy things happen sometimes) then your fellow will 9 times out of 10 come back with a scowl on his face complaining that the store clerk is an idiot. So as we girls learn to understand and accept this irrefutable fact of life (much like we submit dutifully to our monthly visit from "Aunt Ruby"), we must become savvy in dealing with the "car bandit" in a more pro-active way - trust me, save your breath and focus on getting to the destination before the party is over and all the food is gone.

In lieu of insisting that you MUST get in the driver's seat, there's one extremely easy method that, in it's preliminary stages, appears to work magnificently. Be warned however, that there might be unpredictable reactions from your guy - like disorientation and selective absentmindedness (yes, he'll claim that he doesn't know what you're talking about if you bring it up). Here's the plan: Okay, so it's undeniably clear that you're lost (that is, is clear to you). Start behaving as if you're in the car by yourself - scoot toward the window like you're taking a nap; do a puzzle, sing along softly to some music - anything that makes a show of your being completely oblivious that anything is wrong. No matter what - do not even glance in your guys direction. If he happens to ask you to look at a map, say "Okay!" in a very cheerful voice and as soon as you pick up the map and begin to unfold it, quickly tell him "Oh, I really have to go to the bathroom badly - I've got a cramp, can you please find somewhere to stop?!"

And while you're waiting for him to find a gas station, do a little lavatory shake like children do when they really have to go potty. When you get to the gas station, head directly to the rest room and wait again. If it is not feasible to do that because folk are waiting (or if it is just really unpleasant... It's a gas station after all), then come out of the restroom and at a leisurely pace, skim around the store, picking out a few things.

Now here's the vital part - by this time your man has possibly approached somebody for directions. Regardless of whether he has or not, you need to now inconspicuously approach the counter and ask for directions on your own. Jot down notes if you can because your guy certainly did not do that if he asked first. If he catches you and tells you not to trouble with it as he has already gotten the directions, say "Oh, yep I know, but the clerk told me he didn't needed to add one more thing." Quickly finish writing the directions down (and try not to pay attention to the bewildered look on the cashier's face).

Now you've got 2 sets of directions (yours of course is the correct one) and you're on the road again! And, with some luck, you'll make it to the party with time to spare. Remember though, your fellow will not have a memory of this little incident. But he WILL wax on about the route he took and how much faster it was than the driving directions he originally got from the party host. Try this one out for yourself ladies and never arrive just in time to take home a doggie bag again! You can thank me later. Safe travels!



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