Today's message comes to you as a public service from your local boomer. I feel compelled to warn you of the impending end of our civilization as we know it on December 21, 2012.

According to some of the latest shows on the History Channel, it looks like the end is near. It has something to do with the Mayan Long Count, which is not a scheme thought up by the Rams new head coach to save his quarterbacks hide. This is when the sun goes into alignment with a dark band of space debris running through the Milky Way called the Road to Xibalba. Sounds like an old Bob Hope/Bing Crosby movie. And please don't ask me to pronounce it. This is supposed to set off global weather disasters of unheard of proportions and could even mean that Al Gore would come out of hiding. (I just made that last part up.) To help us prepare for this event, web sites galore are offering "2012" emblazoned products, like book bags and tee-shirts. There's even a coffee mug sporting the imprint "Be Smart, Be Ready." Yeah, like I'm going to be savoring a cup of joe as I prepare to be nailed by a 6-mile wide fireball zipping in at a bazillion miles a minute. But alas, there's more. How about that nuclear fallout protection suit for only $495 plus shipping and handling? I wonder if it comes in a 42 regular. There's even a "Complete Idiot's Guide to 2012." The irony here is just too great to offer further comment.

All this hoopla reminds me of the frenzy nearly 10 years ago (has it really been that long?) as we approached the "New Millenium" and the certain chaos that was to be Y2K. Warehouses full of survival kits and freeze-dried foods were emptied out during those days leading up to midnight 1999. I still have my crank-handle shortwave radio. Like there would have been anything left to listen to anyway.

But this one just may be for real, say the experts. Seers such as Nostradamus and clear thinkers such as Mel Gibson, Shirley McClaine and Tom Cruise are on board with this potential global annihilation. Now if that group doesn't instill a sense of validity to this prospect, then I don't know what will. Why, there were hundreds attending a conference recently in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park at a mere $300 per ticket to ponder the effects of this 5000-year cycle of the earth. Their theme was "Shift Happens." How clever. (If they really paid three hundred bucks a head, they need to read that book I mentioned earlier.)

I must tell you, the whole idea of an Armageddon in 2012 really irks me. I would be in my free agent year as a teacher, with glorious retirement less than 6 months away. What lousy stinking timing is all I gotta say.

On the other hand, Jill and I will sure save a bundle of cash on those Christmas presents we won't have to buy.


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