There's a well-known saying that goes, "Wherever you go, there you are." It's a good saying except for one thing: It's just not true!! (I'd like to apologize for the two exclamation points. Yes, they're fun, but sometimes you can overuse fun things and all of a sudden they're not fun anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I could go back in time, or if I knew how to use the backspace key on my computer, I would eliminate one of the exclamation points. Sorry.) The reason the saying is false is that when our minds are deprived of stimulation they tend to wander. So, yes, you may have gone someplace, but you're not really there at all. You're somewhere else entirely, probably trying to remember the words to the Armour Hot Dogs song.

Now, the type of stimulation the brain needs is not something like being tickled with a feather. The mind is too mature to be amused by that (not so the insides of your knees, which are always up for being tickled). The mind craves interesting conversation. Which brings us back to the party and Ka-thy.

Kathy, it turns out, is a bore, which I'm guessing is why you forgot her name in the first place. She's been talking at you for a long time about this and that and you've just drifted off: "... fat kids, skinny kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs..." You're kind of aware of her mouth moving, but you have no idea what she's saying. Then you hear the words "inhaling mold spores" and, like that-you're back. You have no idea what the subject of the conversation is, and Kathy has just stopped talk-mg. She's staring at you (or slightly to the right of you because of her lazy eye), expecting you to say something. What do you do? What do you do?

Solution

Some people might tell you that you could fake Kathy out by nodding your head and saying, "Ummm. Uh, hmmm. Mmmmm. I see. Hmmm mmmm." I am here to tell you that that's not going to work unless she's part of the one-tenth of one percent of the country who can be hypnotized by people humming.

The only proven way to get yourself out of this embarrassing situation is to say something about Gloria Estefan. I'm telling you, as long as you commit to it, she can fit into any conversation. You don't believe me? Here's proof. Kathy is still staring at you waiting for a response while you dutifully consider, then reject the honesty and "hmm, hmm" options. Finally you say, "That sounds a lot like Gloria Estefan." Kathy looks at you funny and says, "What's that got to do with copper plumbing?" To which you respond, "Well, Gloria Estefan is the copper plumbing of the music industry. She's beautiful, reliable, and indestructible. Look how she came back after that bus accident! Are you going to debate me on this?!" And, presto, you're back in the conversation and nobody's the wiser.