Barbie, that American icon and paragon of perpetual youth and beauty, just celebrated her 50th birthday.

I "talked" to her recently in a conference call set up by Mattel, Inc publicist, GI. Joe.

It went something like this.

Me: Hello, Barbie. Or should I say 'Ms. Doll'? Which do you prefer?

Barbie: Well, I really don't have a last name, so Barbie is just peachy.

Me: Great. Barbie, I must say that you look marvelous as you enter into the A.A.R.P. membership zone. How do you do it?

Barbie: Why thank you, kind sir. Actually, my secret is that I'm 100% non-biodegradable. Plastic holds up really, really well, you know.

Me: Yes, and speaking of shape, yours has been the subject of great controversy over the years. You've been accused of "creating unrealistic expectations of womanhood and even spurring eating disorders in young girls," according to some sources. How do you respond to that?

Barbie: I am what I am. Or at least what the toymakers make me. I have changed over time, actually. Less, shall we say, "top heavy", and more rounded in other regions. As to eating disorders, well, don't you remember the Barbie Kitchen? I guess I was just blessed with a fast metabolism.

Me: Let's move to another subject. Being 50, you are most likely not considering motherhood. Does that bother you? Does Ken want children?

Barbie: As you know, I have recently been reconciled with my long-time boyfriend, Ken. After nearly 43 years together, we decided to take a break, but I am happy to say we are again an item. As for having a family, I feel like I am part of nearly everyone's family.

Me: Which brings me to finances. Reports are that you rake in $3.1 billion in sales annually. Do you get a piece of that?

Barbie: Have you seen my wardrobe? And I always have the latest in vehicles. So yes, I do very well, thank you.

Me: Back to your looks, if you don't mind. You have always been so glamorous with flawless skin and bushels of hair and always on top of the fashion scene. But through it all you have maintained a certain innocence. How are you able to pull that off?

Barbie: Here's the thing. I am in millions and millions of homes, sometimes many times over. I see that as an incredible responsibility. I have always maintained high standards and try to keep my reputation beyond reproach. For example, there has never been a "Barbie and Ken Spring Break Vacation Special" or anything that may have even the slightest hint of impropriety. I hope these young women-to-be can see that, and possibly model their lives after that.

Me: Nice, Barbie. Along those lines of role model, how about those many careers you have had. Over 100 jobs from teacher to surgeon to flight attendant to soldier. What's the deal, can't you keep a job?

Barbie: (laughing.) Very funny! Those have all been volunteer positions, you see. Remember the 3 billion we talked about earlier? Besides, why shouldn't a girl be able to do anything anyone else can do?

Me: Two more questions if you please. One, your most recent look has you sporting a butterfly tattoo on your shoulder. Is this a sign of a more edgy Barbie in the future?

Barbie: Why, no, silly. It's just one of those wash-off decal thingies. Just for fun.

Me: Okay, last question. One that a lot of guys out there want to know. Of all the cars you have had, which one is your all-time favorite?

Barbie: Oh my, that's an easy one. It would have to be my flamingo pink Ford Mustang GT convertible, of course.

Me: Thought so. Thanks for your time and "Happy Birthday, Barbie".



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